The Fourteen
by The J.A.M. a.k.a. Numbuh i
Summary: A relationship is put to the test: someone is out to destroy it! And what does the number 14 have to do with it? This Valentine's Day, guard your relationships at all costs! Major fluff here! Nominated for 9 UKE Awards! Reuploaded with corrections.
1. Authors Note

Additional information for this fanfic is available in my profile. I can't post it here because FFN will remove the links. 


	2. Trailer!

  
TONIGHT   
  
ON THE ABC WEEKEND SPECIAL SATURDAY MORNING MOVIE:   
  
  
  
  
  
"LOVE can *also* stop the Earth's axial rotation." - The J.A.M..   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_STEVEN SPIELBERG PRESENTS / PRESENTA / APRESENTA / PRÉSENTENT _**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**ALL RELATIONSHIPS**   
  
_ "Hi, guys-Sneezer?" she sat up straight again, as the mouse climbed down the coyote and onto the table, greeting the canarymaid with a kiss._   
  
  
  
**MUST GO THROUGH THE FIRE**   
  
_ "HEY!! Easy on the goods, Toots!!!"_   
  
  
  
**BUT WHAT HAPPENS**   
  
_ She was skating rather angrily down the hall toward a toon who was speaking to another toon._   
  
  
  
**WHEN SOMEONE**   
  
_ The other girl whirled toward Mary and froze, nearly paling.   
  
  
Prepare to warp._   
  
  
  
**IS OUT TO STEAL**   
  
_ Skating out the main doors, she glanced at the bike racks, and saw indeed that his "Cygmon" was gone._   
  
  
  
**TO KILL**   
  
_ His explanation was cut off by a deeper growling from the larger predator, as well as by having his windpipe suddenly clamped shut by a powerful right paw._   
  
  
  
**AND DESTROY**   
  
_ It even smashed through a wall and emerged on the opposite side._   
  
  
  
**WHAT YOU'VE FELT FOR SO LONG**   
  
_ She had nothing left to say.   
She was going to be left all alone._   
  
  
  
**AND NO TOON CAN HELP YOU**_(not even the Care Bears)_   
  
_ And what was worse, the Amazing Three couldn't help her with this problem._   
  
  
  
**WITHOUT REVEALING**   
  
_ "Just stay out of sight, and try to find out what she's planning. And please, *DON'T BLOW YOUR COVER*!!!"_   
  
  
  
**THE SECRET**   
  
_ Any passer-by would have then seen a sign squeeze through the crack between the doors that proclaimed, "PRIVATE".   
  
  
Energise warp._   
  
  
  
**OF THE   
  
  
  
14   
  
  
  
13   
  
  
  
12   
  
  
  
11   
  
  
  
10   
  
  
  
9   
  
  
  
8   
  
  
  
7   
  
  
  
6   
  
  
  
5   
  
  
  
4   
  
  
  
3   
  
  
  
2   
  
  
  
1……**   
  
  
  
_["Lost In Space" theme plays, and its titles appear as well-]   
  
[sound of a vinyl record being scratched]   
  
(Oops, wrong show.)_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**CREE SUMMER FRANKS**   
  
_ "…Thank you for respecting me, and for looking past the ink and paint…"_   
  
**LUKE RUEGGER**   
  
_ "Leetle Panterr Gerrll!!"_   
  
**CANDI MILO**   
  
_ "You broke up?"_   
  
**KATH SOUCIE**   
  
_ "Well, here's your chance to know."_   
  
**CALAMITY COYOTE AS HIMSELF**   
  
_ "But…how?"_   
  
**LITTLE BEEPER AS HIMSELF**   
  
_ "Everyone tried to call you and you weren't home, either."_   
  
**FRANK WELKER**   
  
_ "MEOWR!!!"_   
  
**THE J.A.M.**   
  
_ "…I was wrong. I was wrong about everything."_   
  
  
  
  
  
**ENCOUNTER**   
  
_ [UNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARP!!!]_   
  
  
  
  
**THE FOURTEEN**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**THIS VALENTINE'S DAY**   
  
_ Her arms went limp.   
She bowed her head.   
She wept.   
All of this *had really been* a waste of time. _   
  
  
  
**GUARD YOUR RELATIONSHIPS**   
  
_ "…Listen, maybe I don't wanna BE your [CENSORED] girlfriend anymore…!!"_   
  
  
  
**AT _ALL_ COSTS**   
  
_ "Please don't worry. We'll save J. One way or another, we'll save him, and everyone else."_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**THE FOURTEEN**   
  
_ Warp is ready._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_**NEXT / NÄCHSTE / NÄSTA / A CONTINUACION / A SEGUIR**_


	3. Prologue

(...unWARP!)

Good evening.

PROLOGUE

All relationships, no matter how compatible they may be, hit snags, and in some cases, hit them HARD. One relationship here, more than hitting, downright _smashes_ into a roadblock. But is it because it simply has to take its share in trials and tribulations? Or is there something much deeper involved? And what does the number _14_ have to do with all of this?

Also, if you haven't already, please read the previous story, "Mary", available on this server.

* * *

The night was quiet and calm.

Acme Acres was hushed, except for businesses with night shifts, and the vehicles that said shifts generated.

In Acme Forest, the night sounds seemed rather hushed.

In the plain opposite Acme Forest, everything was also without much activity, sound, or light, since there was no moon visible at this point in time.

That is, until a brilliant blue flash suddenly lit up out of nowhere, accompanied by a sound that can best be described as 100 people saying "unwaaaaaaa…" while gargling.

The flash turned out to be a huge blue circle that expanded out of nothing until it was three metres in diameter, floating just above the ground. Crackles of static electricity coursed through it as objects began pouring out of it.

_Fourteen_ objects.

Then, as suddenly as the blue circle appeared, it shrunk into itself and vanished, accompanied by a sound that can best be described as 100 people saying "…arp!" also while gargling. Darkness took its respective place in the plain once again. The quiet, however, could not return, as it kept being broken by sounds such as:

"You're stepping on my EAR!"

"Get your foot-paw out of my ribs, you dummy!"

"Hey, get off me! I can't breathe down here!

(THUD!)

"Hey, you didn't have to throw me!"

"Ah, shut up! (CENSORED), this was a bad idea!"

"Caaaaan we do that agaaaaaaaain? It was fuuuuunnnn!"

"You need to lose some weight, did you know that?"

"Hey, is that a subtle fat joke?"

"If I broke a nail, I'm going to KILL somebody!"

"Stellar and planetary position—I think we made it, guys!"

"'THINK'! If we ended up in the wrong place, you're going to be eating out of the back of your head!"

"**_SHUUUUUUUT UUUUUUPP!"_**

Silence.

The fourteen objects were still, except for one, who appeared to be speaking.

"Team leaders, assemble your teams and make sure all your members made it through! Then set up camp here and get some rest. Once you're all set up, meet with me for a conference, is that clear?" The other thirteen objects reluctantly agreed. Vague shapes then moved through the darkness, except for one. This shape in particular moved a bit toward a glow in the horizon, and thought,

_I hope we got here before she did…

* * *

_

"LOVE can _also_ stop the Earth's axial rotation." — The J.A.M.

Cree Summer Franks

Luke Ruegger

Candi Milo

Kath Soucie as Sneezer

Calamity Coyote and Little Beeper as Themselves

Frank Welker

The J.A.M.

encounter

THE FOURTEEN

who are

Charles Adler

Tress MacNeille

Candi Milo

John Kassir

Frank Welker

Sherry Lynn

Nathan Ruegger

Nancy Cartwright

Russi Taylor

Kath Soucie

Francesca Marie Smith

Luke Ruegger

and Richard Beals

with appearances by

Danny Cooksey

Maurice Lamarche

and Noel Blanc

Written by The J.A.M. (but please call me J.A.M.)

Edited by Abel DuSable

Re-edited by professor Nathaniel T. Freeman

_To all couples who fight against wind and tide with True Love. _


	4. Ekhad: Culture Shock?

EKHAD - CULTURE SHOCK?

The following day was a Monday, and as such, plenty of toons went to their respective schools. One such school was Acme Looniversity, and one such toon was Mary Melody, a young African-American humanmaid. Today she had her dark blue tank top and khaki slacks, and she'd recently taken to wearing black roller blades. She was skating rather angrily down the hall toward a male toon who was speaking to another male toon.

Mary rolled up to the first toon, grabbed his arm, whirled him around, and demanded, "All right, where were you Friday night!" The toon questioned was an anthropomorphic Mexican jaguar, who was rather shocked at Mary's attitude, more so because they were the newest couple in the Looniversity and didn't expect her to be so rash toward him so soon.

Not that any of the "stars" actually _cared_ that there was a new couple around, or much less _knew_ about it.

"Home. Where else would I be?" he replied, with incredible calmness. "And I was just about to ask you the same thing." The couple's closest friends, whom some called the "bit players", had assembled nearby because of the commotion. The jaguar turned to them and asked, "And you guys as well! Wasn't anyone home Friday night? I tried calling all you guys but no one was home anywhere!" The "bit players": Calamity Coyote, Little Beeper, Little Sneezer, Sweetie Bird, and Lightning Rodriguez, and Furrball (who recently joined this little clique, despite technically not being a "bit player") looked at each other with confusion.

Everyone knew where everyone else was Friday night, or so they thought.

Mary turned to the jaguar again and asked, "'Called'? J.A.M., I waited for you ALL NIGHT!"

The J.A.M. looked at his girlfriend quizzically, "Waited? Mary, I called your apartment and your cell phone. Your answering machine didn't answer, and was your cell phone working?" The humanmaid was about to slap him, but then realised that the question did have some validity. She pulled out her cell phone—

"It's _off_," she whispered in surprise.

The feline thought for a moment, and also pulled out his cell phone to check. "Off?" he asked himself. The others, too, checked their cell phones, and also received the surprise that all of them were deactivated.

"I was wondering why this weekend seemed SO QUIET," commented Sweetie.

The J.A.M. was relieved somewhat, now that it appeared that all the confusion had been cleared up. "Well, no wonder I couldn't reach any of you! But still, where were you guys? When I called all your homes, I didn't even get your answering machines. Mary, you waited for me where?"

Mary tried not to tremble with rage at that question, so she gave a loud sigh, looked at her boyfriend in the eye, and demanded, "J.A.M., _why_ _weren't_ _you_ _at_ _the_ _prom_?"

A few toons were listening to this conversation. Some didn't pay attention.

Some did.

"No! We got here too late!"

That exclamation was whispered so only toons with big ears could hear it. Neither Buster Bunny nor Babs Bunny, no relation, said it, however.

The panther looked at the humanmaid as if she just had asked him why he wasn't a lemur. "The…?" was all he could ask.

"**_THE PROM!"_** she yelled back, causing the mammals to lower their ears, and the avian to lower her neck.

The feline realised that Mary inferred that he knew perfectly well what she was talking about, but the problem was that he had no idea what the main topic of this argument was. "Hang on a moment," he replied, trying to dispel all the confusion that was piling up around him. Mary watched with disbelief as he pulled up his black t-shirt slightly to reveal his ever-handy black leather kangaroo pouch, zip it open, and pull out something that looked like an electronic agenda. He held it up and tapped the tiny buttons with his right index claw. Mary's lower jaw would have dropped to the floor, but she was too furious to think of that wild take at the moment. "P-r-o-m, prom?" asked her boyfriend, looking at her for a moment.

Getting increasingly riled, she growled, "YES." She realised that he was using an electronic dictionary, so calming down a trifle, she asked, "J.A.M., you have no idea what a 'prom' is?"

"I will in a minute, don't worry," he quickly replied, turning back to his dictionary. After a moment, he looked up and asked, "Is that an abbreviation for 'promotional' or 'promontory'?"

Calamity raised an eyebrow, stepped up and signed, "Neither, it's an abbreviation for 'promenade'."

"'Promenade? I don't have that word here…" commented the panther, searching a bit more carefully.

At this point, Mary didn't know whether to strangle him, smash him with a mallet, or give him an exploding poster that would detonate once he had read the answer to his question. Still, the fact that he was a Mexican, and as such, there was the infinitesimal possibility that he had no idea what she was talking about, was what kept her from giving in to her rage. "Then I'm going to say 'promotional'," she snarled at him, making him raise an eyebrow. For a non-panther, she growled very well.

The onça read the definition in his dictionary. "There was a promotional Friday night, then?" he asked her.

"YES."

"Oh!" he exclaimed, glad that the confusion was gone now. "And where was it?"

"**_IN THE GYM!"_** she screamed in his face, blowing his furlocks back somewhat.

The J.A.M. would have asked her nicely to not scream, but it was obvious she was upset about something and it was frustrating for him not to know what it was. "This gym?" he asked, keeping his ears down, still trying to clear everything up.

"**_YES!"_** The other "bit players" were now slowly backing away from the couple. Knowing what toon rage could do, each searched for anything that would provide cover in case Mary exploded.

The jaguar raised his paws, took a deep breath, closed his orange eyes, opened them as he exhaled, looked at her, and asked _very_ calmly, "The Looniversity held a promotional last Friday night?"

She raised a trembling hand as she replied, "YES, SNOOKUMS."

The panther thought that he was finally on the home stretch. "Okay, that explains a lot now." The humanmaid's dark brown skin now showed a very definite reddish tint, as did her eyes. It didn't help that the jaguar continued with, "So what were they promoting, anyway?"

Mary was having a hard time believing that he was _not_ doing this to deliberately infuriate her, so she tried to answer as logically as she could. **_"Relationships!"_** she asked with slow and dangerous sarcasm.

"Ohhh! Is _that_ why you were waiting for me here?"

"YES." Mentally, she added, "you jerk-face moron!"

Satisfied that the whole issue had been cleared up, The J.A.M. nodded, straightened his ears, and happily put his dictionary back in his leather pouch. "So then how did the school try to promote relationships? Are there problems with—?"

"THE **_DANCE,_** YOU NITWIT!" she screamed, grabbing his shirt and pulling him to her face. "WHY DIDN'T YOU GO WITH ME TO THE PROM FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE GYM!" Furious puffs blew in and out of her flared nostrils. Ears went down again.

Now, if she had asked him that in the first place, there would have been a thorough answer much sooner, or so thought the jaguar. "A prom is a dance?" The expression on his girlfriend's face clearly indicated that it was best for him not to press that matter any further.

Behind Mary, Calamity cleared, "Well, a promenade is a dance."

However, there was still an issue that the jaguar was somewhat ignorant about. Softly, he placed his paws on her hands, and asked as soothingly as he could, "Mary…" he soothed, "…_Cielito_…" he soothed, "…the Looniversity…" he soothed, "…held a prom…" he soothed, "…a _dance_…" he soothed, "…in the gym…" he soothed, "…last Friday night?"

Mary, and the other "bit players", felt as if he had just asked them if Mary was a female. The humanmaid's hands trembled with rage under the jaguar's paws. "It…" she snarled, "…most certainly…" she snarled, "…did…" she snarled, "…you…" she snarled, "…_NITWIT_!" she screamed. They looked at each other for a trifle, one with rage, the other with surprise. The other "bit players" were ready to dive for cover.

"That's news to me," he said simply.

It was now Mary's turn to be surprised and confused, evidenced by a very high eyebrow. She released him and stood back. "Huh?"

"Mary, if I had known that something like that was going to happen, believe me, I would have gone with you. But you _do_ have to know that I'm a lousy dancer."

Now Mary and the others looked at him as if he said he had just been informed that it had just been proven that the Earth was round. All the previous confusion that The J.A.M. had was piling up on Mary. "J.A.M., are you telling me that you had no idea that there was going to be a prom at the gym despite the fact that it was advertised night and day for the past two weeks?"

He looked at her, blankly. "'Advertised'?"

Okay, now he _was_ playing dumb, she thought. "Now don't you tell ME that you didn't see all the posters and notices on the bulletin—" she turned and gestured to the objects in particular that were hanging on the wall, but then stopped herself. Everytoon looked at the bulletin board, and read about some upcoming baseball games, some warnings about using bubble gum for non-comedy purposes, and some note from the Board of Education, but there was no mention of any dance or prom. "—boards? What the—" Mary glanced all over the wall. "Where are all the prom posters?"

The rest, too, were surprised to find the posters gone. "Maybe Pete took them down during the weekend?" asked Sneezer.

"Maybe," admitted the humanmaid, turning to her boyfriend again. "But that doesn't explain how you could NOT see them for the past two weeks!"

The panther insisted, "I _didn't_ see them for the past two weeks."

The African-American was fuming again, "Yeah, right! The next thing you're going to tell me is that you didn't hear anyone talking about the prom for the past two weeks, either! Geez, I don't know what would have happened if you had entered the Loo before the _homecoming dance_!"

Being in the defendant's seat was bad enough, but it was more frustrating for the onça since he was being held accountable for knowledge no one had bothered to give him. "Who came home?"

Mary did a double take. She didn't know whether to clobber him now or deport him. "WHAT!"

"Yeah. You said 'homecoming' dance. Who came home?"

Trembling with rage once again, she replied, "The football team?"

The jaguar looked at her with an "…oooookkayyy…" take. "Oh," he replied. He waited a moment, and continued, "Came home from where?"

The humanmaid scowled, but shoved down her anger once more in order to explain: "J.A.M., when the football team returns from its last game, whether home or visitor, a 'homecoming dance' is held to celebrate, especially if they win, and that was a few months ago. Do you understand now!"

The panther sighed and nodded, "Okay, we're clearing things up now. But you _know_ that I'm not on the team, and I doubt they would have mentioned any 'prom' to me anyway."

"THAT," she hissed, "is IRRELEVANT! The prom is the BIGGEST event of the year! How could you NOT have known? Didn't you see ANYTHING different in the gym last week!"

He blinked at her. "Um, Mary, _no one_ mentioned to me anything about the prom in the past two weeks. Not the school, not the guys, and not you. And I haven't gone inside the gym since your basketball final." At this, Mary turned to the other "bit players" and looked at them accusingly.

They looked back at her with low heads and flat ears and expressions that begged her for mercy. "We assumed he knew," signed Calamity.

"And there was no mention of it on the radio or T.V., either," added the panther. "Mary, I know I can sometimes be a bit clueless when dealing with social issues and events, but whatever posters were put up, I just didn't see them."

"For TWO WEEKS!" insisted the humanmaid.

"Maybe dere weren't any possters een de holls where J.A.M. wokked?" suggested Lightning. Everyone, except the jaguar, looked at him as if he had just suggested that the Earth was a hexagonal prism.

The idea didn't seem so preposterous to certain rabbits who were listening from one end of the hall, though no toon could see them. "Team Gimmel!" whispered one, "Check out where ALL the posters and notices were placed! Quickly, before Pete takes them all down!" At that, four of the rabbits vanished.

The J.A.M. looked into Mary's hardened eyes and continued, "Mary, I mean it. I didn't see any posters anywhere!"

"Well then, what about your invitation?" she huffed.

"My what?" Here we go again.

"Your INVITATION to the prom, you know, the one that the school sent to EVERY SINGLE STUDENT?"

The feline tapped his claw for a bit, and replied, "Hon, I check my P.O. Box and e-mail every day, but I never got one of those, either." Here, the others began to wonder if he was not entirely at fault here.

Mary, however, was far from calming down, of course. "That doesn't explain why you never answered your house phone or cell phone!"

"Because they never rang?" he asked logically.

"WHAT! J.A.M., I tried to call you every ten minutes until the dance was almost over! Your phone just rang and rang!"

"It's true, Chilango," signed Beeper. "Everyone tried to call you and you weren't home, either."

"But guys, I _was_ home! My phone never rang at all! And I _know_ it couldn't have been disconnected because it worked whenever I tried to call _you_ guys! And all _I_ got was either busy signals, or your phones also just rang and rang! That happened all through the weekend!"

"Wait," said Mary, now getting more confused than angry. "If you didn't know there was a dance this weekend, why were you trying to call us?"

The panther's face lit up and his ears perked up at that question. "Oh, well, I wanted you guys to come to my house so I could show you all the cool stuff I won!" He reached into his leather pouch again as he said that.

"Won?" asked Sweetie.

"Sure! You guys didn't think that this ten-language, grammar consultant, phonics sampling with multiple regional accents, data link to ten Academies for automatic updates, super-unabridged dictionary/thesaurus/rhyme-matcher just materialised into my pouch out of nowhere, did you? Though—I wonder why it didn't update the 'prom' entry if it's so common…" he shrugged, as he pulled out his electronic dictionary again and showed it to Mary. Still more stunned, she took it and looked closer at it. She noticed Calamity leaning over to also take a closer look at it.

And when he did, the coyote froze.

The brand said "Casio" instead of "Acme". But that wasn't what had him frozen.

He then turned again to the feline and signed, "J.A.M., where did you get this?"

"Hey, I told you, I _won_ it."

"But…how?" insisted the canine.

"Well, it happened more or less like this…" Oh no, Mary was going to get pulled into a flashback!

(scene rippling)

"It was Friday afternoon, just after school," the onça voice-overed an ærial scene of the Looniversity's main entrance. "Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to get home, and I wondered why, but not even you guys bothered to tell me anything." The jaguar padded to the bicycle rack while everyone else ran out the main building, including the "bit players". "And you seemed to be in a hurry too, Mary." Just as The J.A.M. reached his bicycle, Mary skated up to him, gave him a quick kiss on the lips, shot him a flirtatious look, and skated away, leaving behind a bewildered but happy jaguar. He climbed on his bike and left as well. "I calmly went home, but halfway there I suddenly remembered that I needed to get a new videotape for a cartoon I wanted to record for one of my brothers." The J.A.M. then stopped in the middle of the street and did a u-turn, pedalling to another part of town. He arrived at a video store, dismounted, locked his bike on a utility pole, and padded inside. "I got a very interesting surprise just before I left." He took the videotape to the checkout counter and no sooner had he paid for it when suddenly confetti, streamers, and balloons poured from the ceiling. Alarms rang off, and all the employees began clapping and cheering. The feline stood there in complete shock, glancing all around him with flat ears. The checkout clerk placed on him a sash that proclaimed "WINNER!" and then a smartly dressed woman walked up to him. As she spoke to him, The J.A.M. continued, "It seems that I was the 70,000th customer of that store that night, and as such, I won a lot of state-of-the-art electronic stuff." Gift-wrapped boxes upon boxes were carried out to him, all containing the latest entertainment technology. The panther examined them as best as he could while accepting everyone's congratulations. "I won a laptop with incredible accessories, a pawheld computer, a giant screen TV, a DVD-writer, games of all kinds, programs of all kinds, a lifetime free internet connection, the works." The scene now switched to the exterior, where a WE-Haul truck was loading up all the merchandise. "I was really happy getting all that stuff, but there was so much of it I knew that it wouldn't fit in my lair." The panther pulled out his cell-phone and tried to make a few calls. It was then when a frown crept on his face, and his ears lowered again. "I tried calling you guys since that afternoon, but none of you seemed to be home. So, since I couldn't get your help, I had to take all the stuff home myself." The truck then stopped at the edge of the forest, and the movers climbed down from the cab to open the trailer doors and unload all the material. "I called ahead and asked the pool installers to carve out another room next to the pool room. It added to the cost, but the money I got from _Maximiliano_ on the last fanfic was enough to cover it. Anyways, I called all my friends from the local neighbourhood and had them help me carry all the stuff from the edge of the forest to my lair." Woodland creatures poured out from the forest, scampered over all the boxes, and carried them into the forest. The scene switched to The J.A.M.'s bedroom, where he had his new computer running. "It seems that the companies had all this new stuff they wanted to consumer test before they sent them to the mass market. I had a bunch of electronic forms to fill out and send by e-mail." The panther then picked up and dialled his phone for the _nth_ time, and for the _nth_ time he hung up again, shaking his head. "I wanted all you guys to help me try out all the neat stuff, but no one answered. I was busy all weekend long installing everything and setting it up in the new room. I was very happy, except that none of you were there to see it."

(scene un-rippling)

The jaguar finished with low ears, "Especially _you_, Mary."

"Hold it," she said, backing off a trifle. "You mean you were on the Internet all weekend long, and that's why we always got a busy signal?"

"Oh, no," he shook his head. "I got a permanent direct-to-satellite internet connection with my sat-TV link! I don't use the phone at all now! In fact, with the right internet links, I don't need to use the phone at all when calling long distance!"

The humanmaid crossed her arms, sighed, and looked at him with odd calm. "So, that was your weekend?"

"In a nutshell, yes."

She rolled up to him, and looked into his orange eyes, "Well, then let me tell you about _my_ weekend, Sugar!" She was obviously still upset, and didn't bother doing a flashback sequence because she didn't want to re-live the events first hand. "J.A.M., I skated home as fast as I could to shower, change, and run to the beauty salon to get my hair done, which, I might add, took no less than two hours! Then I had to go home again and change into my prom dress, which, I might add, _was_ _a_ _bit_ _revealing_, but I wore it for YOU, mind you! So then I sat in my apartment and WAITED for you to call _but_ _you_ _never_ _did_, until I got so impatient I decided to call YOU but never got so much as an ANSWERING MACHINE, so finally, thirty minutes after the prom began I decided to go ALONE, and thank God I'm still considered a 'bit player' so no one noticed me when I arrived! I then SAT there and waited for you and CALLED you all night. I wanted to go to your house and STRANGLE you with your tail! J.A.M., I didn't know if you had been kidnapped by Monty, deported by Immigration, or in a hospital! I even called HOSPITALS and the POLICE to see if anything had happened to you!" She grabbed his shirt again and pushed him against the lockers, making his ears flatten against his head. "J.A.M., _I_ _was_ _so_ _worried_ about you!"

Once again, the panther placed his paws over her hands as softly as he could, and spoke, "Worried? Cielo, I'm sorry you had to go through all that, but I never got any calls all weekend! I don't know why! My phone was never left off the hook because it's a wireless type! And if you were _that_ upset with me, why didn't you come to my lair during the weekend? I would have given you an explanation if you had demanded one!"

With a huff, Mary released him and spun away. "I haven't memorised the path to your lair yet, J.A.M.," she said, crossing her arms, now practically in tears.

Her boyfriend looked at her for a moment, and suddenly his ears perked up. "Oh, I can solve that problem right now!" He dug into his leather pouch again and pulled out another contraption. Mary turned around to see what he was doing. "Here, it's a solar powered GPS with battery backup. Accurate to 10 centimetres! I'll just type in the co-ordinates of your apartment and my lair and you'll never get—"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Mary's ear splitting scream split plenty of ears throughout the school, especially those of some rabbits nearby.

Now, it was the jaguar's turn to get upset, made obvious by his yellow fur turning slightly red. "Hey, look, Mary, for the last time, I NEVER heard of NO PROM, okay? I have never _heard_ of such a thing until ten minutes ago, and I had NO IDEA one was coming! No one _told_ me, no one _showed_ me, understand?"

Seeing her boyfriend now upset at _her_ brought some rational thought back to her. Remembering where he came from, there was a small chance that all this could have gone over his furry head. With a softer voice, she asked, "J.A.M., you never had a prom in Mexico?"

"No," he replied firmly. "I heard of some schools having banquets or excursions but I've never seen nor heard any prepare any dances called 'proms'."

"B-but, didn't your parents ever mention anything similar to that?"

He thought for a moment and replied, "I heard they went to a dance with a mountaineer club, but they never mentioned anything that had to do with school. Sorry." Mary just shook her head at all this madness. "Anyway, if I had known something like this was going to happen, and if I had known you wanted to go, and if our phones were working, believe me, I would have gone with you, but I _will_ tell you now that it _still_ wouldn't have mattered."

She looked up at him, questioning. "Why not?"

"I told you: I don't know the first thing about dancing, Honey, so I guess we would have just stood there or something."

At this, Mary's rage fell on her again with an even greater force, and she did the one thing that came to her mind at this point.

She swung hard and slapped him.

Or tried to. His feline reflexes kicked in just in time and he was able to dodge her. She nearly lost her balance as she spun, but quickly recovered. This got her even more riled, but not knowing what else to do, she just turned and skated away, immediately followed by Sweetie. He looked at them as they left, completely confused. He then turned and looked at his other friends, but they, too, had passed judgement over him, and they, too, turned and left, leaving the jaguar by himself.

Once again, he was alone.

And while he was used to being alone, this time, however, it hurt him more than ever before.

Drooping his ears and whiskers, and dragging his tail behind him, he turned and padded sadly to his next class.

Ten rabbits were on the other end of the hall, hiding in the shadows. Six were slightly taller than the other four. "Taller", however, meant that they were basically the same size as the "stars" of Tiny Toons Adventures. They stood there in shock, having looked on at all that had just transpired, evidenced by their lopped ears. At that point, four other rabbits, slightly shorter than the rest re-joined the group. Though all were of different colours, save for two young ones who were black, all but three of them had almond-brown eyes.

From the main ten, a tall lavender coloured buck with white belly, feet, and ears, and a red shirt, received them.

"Team Gimmel reporting," said a blue doe, who wore a yellow blouse and an orange dress. She leaned her ears forward a bit.

"What did you find out, Anni?" asked the lavender buck.

"Well, not as if I had a lot of help from THOSE GUYS," she grunted angrily at her team, "but it seems Lightning was right. All the posters and notices _were_ strategically placed. She knows The J.A.M. like the back of her hand! She _knew_ how predictable he was and made SURE there were no posters placed in the hallways he padded in!"

"(CENSORED)!" grunted a medium orange doe, who wore a black shirt and black shorts. "That means that the (CENSORED) _DID_ get here before we did! What the (CENSORED) do we do now, Junior?"

The lavender buck turned to her and replied, "What we do now, Bekki, is find out where she is and make sure she doesn't know we're here as well! It's bad enough that she got here at least two weeks ago to alter the posters. It must not have been that difficult for her to turn off their cell phones by remote control or interfere with the phone lines, and setting up the store 'contest' shouldn't have given her many problems either. Not to mention editing that dictionary to remove all references to school proms!"

"Yeah, not with all the money her dad has," added a short yellow buck with white hair, green shirt, and permanently lopped ears.

"Money YOU want, Mel?" asked Anni, with a slight grunt.

A tall grey doe with a full-length orange dress frowned, "She also knew that The J.A.M. pays attention to numbers, so she deliberately chose one with the number _seven_ so he wouldn't get suspicious!"

"The thing is," continued Junior, "that Dakota got here before we did and her plan worked perfectly—!—well, as far as we know. She must _still_ be around to make sure her plan follows through!"

At this, the grey doe tilted her ears slightly back and sideways and asked, "Oh dear, she hasn't changed everything yet, has she?"

Junior pulled out a picture of the Looniversity from his body pocket. The quality didn't appear to be very good since the image was rather faded. "She's _starting_, Alexi. We've gotta stop this now!"

A rather muscular pink buck with a blue vest asked, "So what's the plan now, Junior?"

The buck leader turned and looked at the empty hallway for a moment, twitched his nose a bit, turned back to the other lagomorphs and declared, "Here's what we'll do: Morty," he told the muscular buck, "take Team Beth and find Mary, and try to calm her down. Anni, take Team Gimmel and find The J.A.M. and the others, and try to fix that side of the problem. Team Aleph will find Dakota. Keep the communications open guys! If Dakota hasn't returned yet, we've gotta make her think her plan worked so she'll return immediately. Once she does, we fix this problem. Is that clear, lagomorphs?"

"Clear!" they replied as one. With that, the fourteen leporids split into their three teams, one team of six, and two teams of four.


	5. Shennaymm: The Male Side

SHENNAYMM - THE MALE SIDE

Team Gimmel, apparently the youngest, was composed of their doe leader Anni, and three bucks, who included Mel, and twin black ones, who wore grey and white shirts, and the twins were among those that didn't have almond brown eyes: their eyes were black. Also differing from the rest was the fact that their bellies, soles of their foot-paws, and inside of their ears were red-violet instead of white. The team (UNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARP!) appeared outside a classroom that had "Wild Takes 103" painted on the door window.

Anni pulled out and read a crumpled and yellowed schedule, and looked at her team. "He's here. Now you three, _try_ to do this right, okay?" Her team nodded, and the four went inside.

There, Bugs Bunny was writing something on the board, but he didn't seem to notice the newcomers. The class was divided into study groups, silently discussing today's project. However, they noticed that The J.A.M. was seated alone on the right corner, ears, whiskers, and tail down. The "bit player" group, Calamity, Beeper, Lightning, and Sneezer, were seated on the opposite corner, obviously giving him the cold shoulder. Furrball, however, wasn't there, for some reason. Anni and her team quickly seated themselves around the jaguar. Again, since everyone considered them "extras", they remained unnoticed. Mel was seated on The J.A.M.'s left, and the twins were in front of him, while Anni was two seats in front of him. Mel turned and looked at Plucky, seated near the front, and was surprised at how different he looked now. That greedy expression was already set on his face. He would have planned a way to get some money out of him when his attention was suddenly brought back to his right, and front.

"Buck, I can't believe you made us miss the prom!" grunted the buck with the white shirt.

The jaguar looked up slightly.

The buck with the grey shirt tilted his ears back and replied with a slightly slurred voice, "Chuuuuuck, I thought it was gonna be _Saaaaaaaaturday_ niiiiight! It's not _myyyyyyy_ fault the flyer was smudged!"

_These guys missed the prom too?_ Odd, he didn't remember seeing them before. Perhaps they, too, were "bit players", like he was, or maybe even "extras".

"Whatever!" grunted Mel. "Now our girlfriends think we stood them up! And they haven't talked to us since the weekend! How are we gonna get them to talk to us NOW?"

The panther was about to ask them what else happened when Anni turned to the bucks and nearly growled, "You dummies! I should cut your heads off and mount them on a wall! Only YOU TWO would be dumb enough to give this big DOPE—!" she nodded at Buck, "—the responsibility to remember the date of the prom!"

Well, at least these guys _knew_ there was a prom.

Mel countered, "Hey, you KNOW the three of us had those huge comedy history projects to do! Only Buck here was free to get all the arrangements and info!"

"Well," added Chuck, lowering one ear, "a mistake was made. What do you think we should do now?"

The onça raised his ears and whiskers and straightened up to see if he could get any ideas himself.

Anni stiffened her ears against her back, "Hey, don't look at _me_. Just be glad that _I'm_ still talking to you guys, unlike your soon-to-be ex-girlfriends!"

"Now wait a minute," said Chuck, again. "We were friends LONG before we became couples! And as our friends, they _know_ they can't stay angry at us forever! They just need time to cool off!"

As did Mary, thought the feline. Could she _also_ get over her anger?

"Yeah, right," replied the doe in bitter sarcasm. "But you _know_ that _now_ you are more than friends, at least until this weekend, so the ONLY way your girlfriends are going to cool off is if you three do something DRASTIC to get them back!" That was overstating the obvious.

"Like whaaaaat?" asked Buck, tilting his ears toward his sister.

"Yeah! Like what?" repeated Chuck, with a challenging tone, ears slightly back showing sarcasm.

"Hey, I thought _you_ were the genius here, Chuck! Try doing something that your girlfriends KNOW they love!"

_Odd_, thought The J.A.M., looking at the black buck twin, _everyone knows Calamity is the genius around here. Maybe they haven't met him yet._ He also pondered on what Mary loved without question, and his thought patterns brought him to the roller dance with her in his lair a while back.

At this point, Bugs turned around, picked up some papers from his desk, and said, "Ehh, here are da results of da make-up exams. Next toime, study, okay?" He padded to the front rows and handed each toon several tests, which were passed back to their respective owners. As was expected, the "bit players" and the "extras" were ignored.

However, as Bugs did this, thoughts continued to assemble in the panther's mind. Quietly, he stood and padded to the other corner. The other "bit players" turned away from him as they saw him approach, but still, he said, "Guys, I know you're angry with me, and I'm sorry for being such an ignoramus. I know I can patch things up with Mary, but I need your help, please."

The others thought for a moment, and then Sneezer turned to him and asked, "What do we have to do, huh huh?"

"Find Sweetie, and tell her to take Mary to Weenie Burgers. I'll explain the rest during Study Hall…" He didn't know that Team Gimmel could hear him perfectly, so neither he nor the "bit players" noticed the leporids high-fiving each other at that point.


	6. Shallosh: The Female Side

SHALLOSH - THE FEMALE SIDE

Team Beth, apparently the middle group, had Morty as their leader, and it included Bekki and two other does: an almond brown one with a pink blouse and a light blue dress, and a rather fat purple doe with a light blue blouse and yellow dress. The four arrived at the news studio, stealthily entered, and (UNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARP!) made their way around the cubicles. With ears at attention, the team listened carefully for Mary, but they couldn't seem to find her.

The almond brown doe twitched her nose, "Are you sure she's here today?"

Morty took out and looked at his crumpled and yellowed schedule, and replied, "She's preparing a news assignment today, June. So she has to be here—Hunni, will you TRY to keep up?"

The fat purple doe bounded breathlessly up to them, "Huff—puff—you guys pad too fast, you know that?"

Bekki looked at her younger sister and grunted, "(CENSORED)! You wouldn't have this (CENSORED) problem if you didn't eat so many (CENSORED) chocolate and carrot cakes!"

The purple doe panted and retorted, "I'm weak right now, 'Pottymouth'! I haven't eaten since—since—"

Hunni tried to remember her last meal, but Bekki was kind enough to help her, "This (CENSORED) morning, like the rest of us?"

The fat doe scowled at her, stomping a bit, and pulled a small metallic plastic bag out of her pocket. "I'm glad I planned ahead and brought along chocolate covered carrot chips!" She opened the bag, but the noise it generated was just a trifle too unnerving for their team leader.

Morty suddenly grabbed her paws and grunted at both, stiffening his ears on his back. "Quiet! Bekki, stop getting on her case! Hunni, will you stop thinking about food for once? We have to find Mary—!"

"Hey, what's that?" asked June. Team Beth stood like statues and their perked rabbit ears detected someone humming on their left.

"Who the (CENSORED) sings in a news studio?" asked Bekki, wincing in rabbit confusion.

Mary Melody sat at her cubicle, reviewing news clips for tonight's broadcast. She was working without much enthusiasm, after all, what happened Friday and today was enough to practically tattoo a scowl on her face. And what was worse, the Amazing Three couldn't help her with this problem. Shirley, despite having backed off from them after the incident at Winnie Burgers, still had influence on Babs and Fifi, who, being the good friends they were, supported the loon hen and also kept their distance from Mary and Sweetie. Though Fifi and she were on more or less friendlier terms, she wasn't much of a choice to talk to about this problem, not with the myriad of "boyfriends" she had in the past. And she wouldn't see Sweetie until after school because of their class schedules. Elmyra, of course, was completely out of the question; it was difficult enough trying to get her to figure out the time of day.

No one to talk to.

And she couldn't talk to her boyfriend because she was FURIOUS with him.

How could anyone be so naïve, dense, and clueless? Did he really _expect_ her to believe that he had never heard of a prom, much less deny having seen or heard any sight or sound of one? Hadn't he seen any on T.V.? Sure, he never was in the gym, except when the girls' basketball team played. She knew he hated team sports, but he never missed a game when _she_ played. At first, she thought it was to support her and all, but now she wondered if he didn't do that just so he could see her, and maybe the rest of the team, wearing shorts. After all, once the basketball season was over, his "enthusiasm" in their relationship had ebbed a trifle, now that she thought about it. And to think she thought he was different. After their last game, he admitted to never setting a foot-paw in the gym again. That was _one_ way of not knowing about the prom, but what about everything else? The "stars" still kept their distance from the "bit players" so it was obvious that he never heard anything from them, but didn't the school send _everytoon_ an invitation? How could he not receive one? Or did it get lost in the shuffle? He got his computer in the weekend but he still checked regularly at an Internet café, but all the invitations were sent out _personally_. It couldn't have been lost just like that. It was too much happening to him—

Unless someone didn't want him to attend.

Montana?

No. He was too busy trying to fend off Elmyra, like last time. He had plenty of problems worrying about himself without plotting something against her bel—

_**WHY THE BLEEP WAS SHE DEFENDING THAT FLEA-BITTEN CAT!**_

Well, panther. If he were a cat, he wouldn't be able to roar. She rubbed her temples in frustration of it all. The bottom line was that he let her down and never gave a thought about going on a date. Once again, she was left behind.

Left out.

Bit player.

_Extra_.

Outcast.

Alone.

Not even a boyfriend solved that problem. It just came back and smashed her in the face.

AGAIN.

She hummed a little tune for about a minute, and then sang slowly to herself,

"_Fourteen years and my life is still_

_Trying to get up that great big hill of hope,"_ she sighed.

"_For a destination."_ She shook her head in frustration of this reflection. Then she raised an eyebrow in realisation,

"_I realised quickly when I knew I should_

_That the world was made up of this 'brotherhood of toons'—"_ she quoted with her fingers. Heh, whatever _that_ meant.

"_For whatever that means."_ She smirked at the concept.

Her singing helped Team Beth arrive, and they stood some distance from her cubicle. Bekki whispered, "Well, she certainly looks extremely (CENSORED) off."

"Wouldn't you?" asked Morty.

Tilting her head, Mary continued,

"_And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed_

_Just to get it all out: what's in my head, and I'm—"_ Sigh.

"—_And I'm feeling—a little peculiar."_ "Peculiar" was a mild word. Angered and frustrated was more like it.

"_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside,_

_And I take a deep breath and I get real high, and I—"_ She took a deep breath,

"—_And I scream from the top of my lungs:_

'_What's going on!'"_ Though she didn't scream; instead, she just sang softly.

"_And I say, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa,_

_Hey—yey—yea',_

_I say, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'" _She felt so out of everything.

"_And I say, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa,_

_Hey—yey—yea',_

_I say, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_ And right when she thought she had found her place, everything just seemed to crumble around her. She continued humming the instrumental.

Team Beth, however, had enough.

"Okay, go in and stop her sulking!" ordered Morty, stomping a bit. "It's depressing me!"

The does agreed and moved in; entering the cubicle on Mary's left. Sitting next to the divider nearest the humanmaid, Bekki began, "(CENSORED)! I can't believe he stood me up!"

The expletive was enough to silence Mary's singing. She frowned at whoever was on the next cubicle, and continued editing.

"Who?" asked June. "The cute buck or the not-so-cute buck?"

"Who the (CENSORED) cares!" she spat. "I just wanna (CENSORED) (CENSORED) and (CENSORED) (CENSORED) to (CENSORED)!"

Hunni winced a bit and commented, "Won't that defeat the purpose of having a boyfriend?"

"HA! Once I get done with that (CENSORED) he won't BE my (CENSORED) boyfriend, or anyone else's!"

Mary kept frowning at each insult. Man, that girl is worse than Fowlmouth!

"Oh, why are you so mad, Bekki?" asked June. "Are you scared that you won't find anyone as cute and as bad and as potty-mouthed as you are?"

"HA! You should (CENSORED) talk! You two _also_ got stood up at the (CENSORED) prom!"

Mary would have tuned them out, but that last phrase caught her attention. She sat up and listened.

June waved her off, "Oh, that. I already cleared that up with my cute boyfriend."

Cleared up? So soon?

"What the (CENSORED)?"

"Yeah! _Both_ of our boyfriends called us and cleared everything up. And no, they weren't cheating on us."

No, The J.A.M. wouldn't cheat on her either. He had proof of what happened during the weekend.

"And THAT we verified with all the other girls, mind you," added Hunni.

Bekki stomped a bit, "Well, why the (CENSORED) didn't they show up for the (CENSORED) prom then?"

The other two looked at each other, and then back at Bekki. June replied, "That doesn't matter to us now. They made a mistake, but they're willing to make up for it. In fact, they're taking us tonight to this cute new place in town. Oh, they sounded so CUTE when they cried!"

_Cried?_ thought Mary. Nah, The J.A.M. would never cry, much less try to make up for this blunder of his.

"They (CENSORED) WHAT!" spat Bekki.

"You heard us," replied Hunni, ears forward. "Both of them were bawling their eyes out, begging for our forgiveness. We ignored them for a bit, but we just couldn't resist their begging so we gave in and forgave them. Oh, and they told us that your boyfriend has tried to call you and apologise as well. Has he?"

"(CENSORED) NO!" she grunted again. "Boy, I'm gonna call that (CENSORED) and tell him just WHERE he can (CENSORED)—" Mary heard some shuffling, and then silence. "Hey, who the (CENSORED) turned off my (CENSORED) cell phone?"

"You know," said June, "I had some problems with my cute cell phone during the weekend. I called the company and they said that there were some problems with some—um—cell towers, I think, and many other cute users had problems as well."

Mary's anger was suddenly replaced with regret. So something _did_ happen to their cell phones! But—but—that didn't fix anything!

"Oh, well, then, I (CENSORED) HOPE he has _his_ (CENSORED) phone on and—!" Mary heard a cell phone ring twice, silencing everyone again. Then she heard, "What!—Oh, it's you—Yeah, I just turned it on, for some (CENSORED) reason it turned off by its (CENSORED) self. Now what the (CENSORED) do you (CENSORED) want, you (CENSORED)—! Oh—? Do you (CENSORED) expect me to believe that (CENSORED), you (CENSORED)—? What? Why the (CENSORED) would I want to (CENSORED) go with you? How do I know you're not gonna (CENSORED) stand me up again, you (CENSORED)—? Listen, maybe I don't wanna BE your (CENSORED) girlfriend anymore—! I don't (CENSORED) CARE what you (CENSORED) did on the (CENSORED) weekend! You (CENSORED) stood me up and that's all that (CENSORED) matters to me, you (CENSORED)—! I don't (CENSORED) CARE what you had to do to get the (CENSORED) tickets! Take a (CENSORED) bimbo if you want to, but leave me out of your (CENSORED) plans from now on—! Hey—hey————HEY! (CENSORED), stop crying, you (CENSORED) baby—! NO—! NO—! Listen———listen to———(CENSORED) LISTEN TO ME, YOU (CENSORED)! All right, I'll (CENSORED) go with you, already! Just stop that (CENSORED) crying already, you sound like Stan Laurel, (CENSORED) it—! Yeah, you'd BETTER love me, you (CENSORED)—see you there. Bye." There was silence until Mary heard a squeal, "He loves me!" and then some giggling.

"What! She's here!"

Mary ignored that last exclamation, and thought that perhaps (WARPWARPWARPWARP!) she hadn't seen the whole picture. Perhaps it was wrong to stay mad at The J.A.M. But then again, would he try to make amends?

An unusual silence brought her out of her pondering, making her wonder why the adjacent cubicle was suddenly quiet. She stood and walked around the dividers, intending to ask the females what else happened with their boyfriends—

The cubicle was empty.

She scratched her head and surveyed the area, wondering where they had gone off so quickly. Normally she would have heard some shuffling if they had dashed off, but now it seemed as if they had just disappeared into thin air, and the only toon she knew of who could do that was her b—

"Elmyra?" she asked when she saw a redheaded humanmaid standing nearby. "What are you doing in the studio wing?"

The other girl whirled toward Mary and froze, nearly paling. Stuttering, she replied, "Uh—hi, Mary! Have—uh—have you seen the—uh—the—bunny-wunnies?"

Odd, she didn't call her "Merry-Mary", but she had no problems with that. "Elmyra, Buster and Babs are in another class right now. _You know that._ Why are you looking for them here?"

The Caucasian glanced around, almost panicking, but she managed to reply, "Uh—um—because the light's better over here?"

The African-American smirked and placed her hands on her hips. Leave it to Elmyra to use an ancient joke like that. "Well, Elmyra, I would _love_ to have a neuron-killing conversation with you, but I have some editing to get back to. But Buster and Babs aren't here." And neither were the others who were talking just now, she thought. "See you at lunch, okay?" With that, Mary turned and walked back to her cubicle.

The redhead, meanwhile, turned and walked out of the studio, sighing with relief, for some reason. Just before she crossed the main door, she stopped, pulled out a picture from her skirt pocket, looked at it, frowned slightly, and left.


	7. Arbah: The Evil Side

ARBAH - THE EVIL SIDE

Team Aleph, the oldest, had Junior as their leader, who was also in charge of this mysterious mission. His subordinates, besides Alexi, were a white doe with pink eyes, a pink belly and foot-paws, a yellow blouse and a pink dress; a red doe with a red full-body dress, a green buck with a black shirt; and a fuzzy light blue buck with a red and purple chequered vest. One rather odd thing about the buck with fuzzy fur was his dilated eyes and a toothy grin that seemed to be plastered on his face. The six were padding down the hall toward the restrooms.

Junior issued his instructions, "You girls search in the girls' bathroom. We'll wait in the guys'. And if you see or hear her, whisper, okay?"

The red doe checked her make-up in a paw-held mirror while asking, "But Junior, if she already split them up, why would she still be here? She must have gone back already!"

Her oldest brother turned to her for a moment, and then turned back toward the front, "No, Shotsy. If Dakota is anything like her father, she'll stay and make sure her plan followed through to completion."

"But what more completion could there be?" asked the white doe, twitching her nose. "She made The J.A.M. trade a weekend of romance for a weekend of technology, she got Mary furious with him, and they broke up! What else could she do to destroy romance and make sure they stay apart?"

Alexi replied, "Maybe she's also going to make sure Sneezer and Sweetie split up too, or perhaps make the 'bit players' disband. With the head start she got, she must have realised there was more than one way to skin a jaguar, Miriam."

Miriam insisted, "But all that was going to—GASP!" The other five rabbits gasped, tilted their ears sideways, and froze as well, when they heard some random thuds, and then a squeal,

"…and then I'll take _more_ pictures of you!" (WARPWARPWARPWARPWARPWARP!) The speaker rounded a corner, and skipped through the empty hallway.

"MEOWR!" Despite his protests, Furrball kept being flopped around like a rag doll, hitting the floors and lockers repeatedly, and he was too groggy to get a firm grip on anything.

Elmyra blissfully continued on her way with him, and just before she turned the corner, she giggled, "Now where did Monty-wonty go? I need to borrow his camera!" The giggling, pleading meows, and thuds faded away and eventually disappeared.

(UNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARP!)

And where there was an empty hallway, there was Team Aleph once again.

"That was too close," muttered the fuzzy light blue buck. "I didn't know she had a thing for Furrball!" He then giggled in a slightly disturbing manner, and gave an insane grin to emphasise it.

"That was _Elmyra_, Friz," grunted the green buck. "And I'd hate to see _any_ camera fall into her hands!"

"I'd hate to see _anything_ fall into her hands, Tex," added Shotsy. "I mean, that girl has already murdered _fashion_ with that outfit of hers!" She pulled out her mirror again and continued adjusting her make-up.

Alexi was about to give a wisecrack to that statement when their communicators blared, "DAKOTA! SHE'S HERE! HIDE!"

Everyone stiffened again. Junior held his right paw to his ear, leaned slightly toward a small "button" on his left shoulder, and asked, "What? Morty, are you sure?"

The pink buck replied, now slightly muffled, "We're at the news studio. We found Mary, and I think _our_ plan worked, but we couldn't really follow through. Dakota didn't see us, thank God!"

"Wait, are you _sure_ she's Dakota? We _might_ have seen her just now!" blurted Miriam.

"She's asking Mary for the 'bunny-wunnies'."

The lagomorphs looked at each other with dread, wincing in confusion at that statement.

"Mary has identified her as Elmyra. Maybe Dakota _was_ the one you just saw?"

"The one we saw had Furrball in her power," replied Shotsy. "She also had that horrible fashion sense, so it _must_ have been Elmyra over _here_!"

"Or Dakota _could_ have grabbed Furrball in order to be more convincing," suggested Tex.

Morty continued, "Well, whoever is in the studio, she's leaving right now."

"How will we know who's Elmyra and who's Dakota?" asked Friz, tilting his ears forward, and dilating his eyes showing insane curiosity.

"How about we clobber them by surprise?" suggested Anni, still in The J.A.M.'s classroom with her team, listening to the rest. "That way we'll be sure to know!"

Junior thought fast, "No, Anni! Even if we clobber and identify Dakota, she'll _know_ she was attacked and she could try everything all over again!"

June suggested, "How about we blow a jet of air on their heads? Elmyra's the one with the cute wig."

The mission leader shook his head. "No, no. Montana gave her some superglue after the wolverine thing, and it takes a while for it to flake off. And if we try it on Dakota, she'll _still_ know something's up!" Junior looked aside and pondered some ideas on his head, until finally a large white LED lit up above his perked ears. "This is what we'll do! Team Beth, stay with Mary. Team Aleph will split up to follow each of the 'Elmyras'. Whoever she is, Dakota must let her guard down at _some_ point of the day. Anni, is your team getting all of this?"

Her slightly crackled reply was, "Every word of it. Looks like Dakota found _you_, ey Morty?"

"Shuddup," he grunted. "We don't know who's who just yet."

Anni insisted, "And what's the matter with YOU, Tex? One would think that YOU could tell them apart a mile away!"

The green buck stomped with frustration and grunted into his communicator, "That's none of your business, Anni, and Dakota had _plenty_ of time to work on her plan. And you _know_ she can do plenty of tricks to blend in!"

"Loser," was her response.

"ENOUGH!" yelled Junior, ears on his back again. "Team Gimmel, leave Elmyra and Dakota to us! We'll treat them _both_ as if they were Dakota until we have proof of who's who! You just stick to The J.A.M., you hear?"

"You BET I'll stick to The J.A.M. like his own spots!"

Silence.

But as everyone prepared to continue, Junior heard some very distinct huffing though his earpiece. Calmly, he asked, "Anni?"

"WHAT," she grunted.

"Please don't worry. We'll save J. One way or another, we'll save him, and everyone else."


	8. Khamesh: Please Believe Me

KHAMESH - PLEASE BELIEVE ME

The final bell rang, and all the toons began pouring out of the Looniversity. Only one wasn't running, walking, padding, or flying: she was skating.

Mary Melody had plenty of time to ponder on what happened, and what she heard. She had this nagging feeling that perhaps this whole mess wasn't all The J.A.M.'s fault, not entirely, and that maybe, just maybe, if he tried to apologise and make amends, then perhaps he should be given another chance. It _was_ after all, his _first_ screw-up. Well, _major_ screw up. He had missed a few of her basketball games, having stated previously that he hated team sports. When she told him she was on the team, and that the games were important to her, he stuck it out in the stands to the end of the season. And on _every_ game, too, not just the home games. He even learned a few basketball rules, although he couldn't quite yet grasp them all. But the thing is that he was there to support her, or at least to look at her, and the others, wearing shorts. But was that last reason a valid one? He would have never shown up for a single game if she had just accepted the fact that he hated sports and never mentioned that she was on the team. And through talking, he gave some leeway and gave her support, even if he didn't always understand what was happening in the game, and perhaps was just concentrating on her legs. Or the others'. Perhaps they should talk about that, too.

Talking.

She never mentioned the prom to him. Maybe if she had, then she would have _calmly_ explained to him the whole concept, and perhaps he would have at _least_ tried to dance, or _learned_ to dance, and she wouldn't have needed to shove it all down his throat like she did this morning. Of course, she didn't mention it because she _assumed_ he knew about it. How could _anyone_ not know or hear about it? Lightning, Calamity, and Beeper knew about it on their first year here. However, they _started_ the school year here and had plenty of time to hear about it, and The J.A.M. had enrolled in the middle of the semester. Could there have _really_ been a breach in communication that caused all of this?

And wasn't that what he tried to explain to her this morning?

Communication, she knew, was vital in any relationship. Maybe she should let him explain again, now that she was calmer. Maybe, while it may have been a major screw-up, it could be amended.

Maybe she just wanted to rip his tail off and use it as a noose on his neck.

Looking at the toons that swarmed around her, she didn't see the familiar spotted fur pattern. In fact, she hadn't seen him since she told him off this morning. Come to think of it, she hadn't seen _any_ of the male "bit players" at all today. Perhaps, she thought, Calamity and Furrball left earlier, since recently the coyote's family allowed the blue cat to move in with them, for the time being, now that he had joined the "bit players" once again. Beeper had gone to the pizza parlour for his afternoon shift. She couldn't figure out where the mice had gone off to, and of course, if she told The J.A.M. off as good as she thought she did, the chances are that he had already pedalled home.

Skating out the main doors, she glanced at the bike racks, and saw indeed that his "Cygmon" was gone.

She sighed.

Once again, she was alone, in a sea of toons.

But only for a moment, since just then Sweetie flew right up to her and landed on her right shoulder. The canarymaid was holding her cell phone, so when she landed, she placed it in her body pocket with a sly grin.

"Who were you talking to?" asked the humanmaid.

"Sneezer," she replied with that rapid giggle of hers. "He has band practice RIGHT NOW and wanted me to tag along, but I told him you needed company. Wanna go to Weenie Burgers and FORGET all about The J.A.M.?"

Forget?

The strange thing was that she couldn't forget anything right now, especially the look on his face when she tried to slap him. That had been plaguing her all day long.

"How are we going to do that?" she asked.

"Why, with girl talk, how else? It will be just THE TWO OF US, and maybe Fifi if she wants to join, okay?"

With a resigned sigh, Mary agreed, "Fine. I need to clear my head anyway." So, without much enthusiasm, the African-American hopped down the steps and skated away, with the pink canarymaid flying close.

No sooner had she hopped down the steps when a familiar red-headed humanmaid dashed out the main doors, holding a groggy Furrball by the tail. Catching her breath, she glanced frantically in all directions, and sighed in desperation. Then, a toon caught her eye.

And she caught him by his arm.

"HEY! Easy on the goods, Toots!" scolded Montana, struggling for a moment.

"Oh, Monty-wonty, do you wanna go to Weenie Burgers?" she asked with a grin dotted with dental fillings.

The human looked at his "girlfriend" questioningly. "I thought you wanted to have lunch at the mansion today."

The girl nearly paled at that response, and stuttered, "Um—uh—well, Monty-wonty, don't you wanna save money?"

It was strange that his "girlfriend" should mention money, and even more that she should suggest _saving it_, since she normally didn't care a lot about it. Still, an offer to save money was something Montana Max couldn't pass up. "Uh, sure, I guess," he replied.

"Oh, good!" she squealed. "Now I'll be able to pronounce what I'm eating! Isn't that great, Monty-wonty?"

"Yeah, whatever." The two humans walked down the steps, waited at the curb for Montana's limousine, and 0.01 seconds later, it zoomed up. Grovely stepped out to let the teens, and the groggy cat, in, closed the door, and returned to the driver's seat. A moment later, it zoomed away, leaving an empty curb. Its speed, however, didn't faze three teen lagomorphs, who knew exactly where it was headed.

The teen human couple arrived before Mary and Sweetie did, naturally, and had taken the booth nearest the door, with both facing away from it, and the redhead sitting on the boy's left, next to the aisle, making sure he didn't leave too early. When Mary and Sweetie entered, both just gave an acknowledging glance at the couple in their booth, and skated to the booth farthest from the door, next to the far wall. Sitting so they faced the entrance, Mary picked up a menu, but ten seconds later she let it drop on the table.

"Sky high PRICES?" asked Sweetie, again followed by her rapid giggle.

"Nah, I just don't feel hungry right now. Didn't feel like eating lunch earlier, and I probably won't have dinner, either."

"Sounds to me as if you're still UPSET, Mary."

She frowned down at her and replied, "Wouldn't YOU be upset if Sneezer had stood you up too?"

Sweetie tilted her head and pondered, "Well, if Sneezer had never heard of a prom AND if no one told him about it AND if he never knew we had a date—I would be AT FIRST."

The humanmaid scoffed, "And then you'd forgive him? Please, Sweetie, The J.A.M. had everything at his disposal to know about the prom. How he never got word of it is just plainly ridiculous!"

"So you're saying that he deliberately IGNORED the prom so he wouldn't have to spend time WITH YOU?"

"Yes! I mean—well, that doesn't sound very logical, either. But he _did_ say he couldn't dance, so—maybe."

"Oh, come on, Mary, why would he NOT want to spend time with you? You know he went to ALL YOUR GAMES," she giggled.

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled, not wanting to admit that or bring up the "leg factor", and suddenly shook her head, "But why are we talking about him? I thought you wanted to come here to make me _forget_ him!"

Sweetie raised her wings innocently, "Hey, YOU'RE the one who brought that up! Look, let me order a HUGE Sundae for both of us, and we'll FORGET HIMthen, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," sighed Mary, with resignation. The canarymaid flew toward the counter, while the humanmaid sat forlornly at the booth. Leaning her chin on one hand, she glanced toward the human couple in front of her. She wasn't too sure what they were eating, and wasn't too interested, either. Leave it to The J.A.M. to ruin her appetite. A few minutes later, Sweetie flew back, followed by a waiter carrying a HUGE ice cream Sundae. Mary sat up as it was placed in front of her, and looked stoically at her feathered friend when she pulled out a spoon and dug in. With yet another sigh, Mary reached for her spoon and ate unenthusiastically.

Somewhere in the shadows of Weenie Burgers, Junior whispered, "There is 'an Elmyra' with Monty here in Weenie Burgers. Tex, where are you?"

The buck replied through the communicator, "We're following the 'other Elmyra', who's heading north."

"North?" asked Alexi, who was with Junior. "Tex, is she headed for Montana's mansion?"

The communicators crackled for a moment, and then Shotsy replied, "I think she is. This appears to be the most fashionable part of town."

Miriam, also at Weenie Burgers, suggested, "Be careful then! 'The Elmyra' that's here with Montana has Furrball with her, and I think she's in a romantic mood! Dakota _could_ be the one you're following!"

"Maybe she missed Montana leaving, and she wants to get his help somehow?" asked Friz, in a slightly loony voice.

"Help for what?" asked Junior, who then pondered, "Hmmm, maybe she wants to ask him to make sure that Mary and The J.A.M. stay apart! If that happens, then we'll have our work cut out for us! There's no way to tell when we'd be able to return!"

"This definitely sucks," quipped Alexi.

Tex continued, "Junior, where are the other teams?"

"They're also hiding here at Weenie Burgers. Anni says that The J.A.M. got here earlier, but we didn't see his bicycle outside. Morty just got here with Mary. That means that it's just you three against Dakota right now."

"That's comforting to know," replied Tex, now with definite nervousness in his voice.

"You don't have to confront her," assured Junior. "Just stay out of sight, and try to find out what she's planning. And please, _DON'T BLOW YOUR COVER_!"

"We won't."

Just then, Mary saw Calamity enter, with Sneezer on his shoulder. He stopped when he saw the dreaded redhead holding something, so Mary leaned over to see what he was looking at. Great, Furrball was captive once again. A white flash brought her attention to Calamity again, and she saw that he was snarling slightly, but only for a moment, as a light bulb then lit over his head, making his ears perk. Mary saw him pull from his body pocket what appeared to be a can of either breath mint or pepper spray. He took a step forward and faked a trip and fall, making Sneezer fall off his shoulder as well. Right when he fell, he sprayed the redhead's left hand, which was holding Furrball's tail. Mary sighed at Montana's predictability as he laughed at the pathetic coyote on the floor. The redhead, of course, just looked at him rather blankly, and then returned her attention to Montana. On the floor, Mary saw the canine quickly put the can away, and wait. Seconds later, the mouse climbed on the coyote's shoulder again, who then pulled the cat's tail out of the humanmaid's grasp, without her appearing to notice. Mary was just as surprised as Furrball was, and Calamity motioned the cat to stay quiet and to stay on all fours as both ducked out of the booth and slithered toward Mary's booth. The African-American smiled a little and shook her head in amusement as she read their conversation:

"I was wondering where you were," signed Calamity.

"You know you don't have to search much if I'm missing. By the way, what did you do to her?"

The canid smiled and just showed him the "pepper spray".

The felid read the label. "Novocain?"

"She won't be grabbing you, or anyone, for the rest of the day, at least not with her left hand."

Furrball arched an eyebrow. "How were you able to spray it without her noticing?"

"Extremely fine spray warmed to body temperature. It was a success on the last fanfic, he he." Both smiled and arrived at Mary's booth, and Furrball sat in front of Mary, staying out of his former captor's sight.

The girl looked up, still rather bored, and sighed, "Hi, guys—Sneezer?" she sat up straight again, as the mouse climbed down the coyote and onto the table, greeting the canarymaid with a kiss. "I thought you had band practice."

The two _true_ Tiny Toons smiled at each other. The mouse apparently ignored her question, looked up at her, and said, "Mary, we're all sorry you had a rotten weekend—"

"It wasn't your fault, guys," she quickly interrupted, hoping to wave the whole thing off. "But I really don't wanna talk about it right now. I just want to forget that the weekend ever happened."

Sneezer gave the carnivores a quick glance, and insisted, "Mary, I know you don't wanna talk to The J.A.M. right now, but if he gave you a heartfelt apology and tried to make it up to you, would you forgive him, huh-huh?"

Mary's dark skin darkened even more at that hypothetical question. She glared at the mouse, "Sneezer, I _said_ I want to forget the weekend. J.A.M. hasn't spoken to me since this morning, meaning he _doesn't_ want to apologise, meaning he _doesn't_ want to talk to me, meaning—"

"You BROKE UP?" asked Sweetie, bluntly.

"We broke—" The humanmaid blinked. Had their relationship ended so suddenly? And where _was_ The J.A.M.? "That———that—" she stuttered, "—will be his decision."

"But you don't know if you'll forgive him if he apologises?" signed Furrball.

She looked at the blue cat, "I—I don't know, Furrball. This isn't something that can just be dealt with like being late for a date. It _was_ the prom, you know." She sighed and looked out the window. "I really don't know if I'll be able to forgive him."

Sneezer smiled. "Well, here's your chance to know, yup-yup." He looked up at the carnivores, and they smiled back. The cat and coyote stepped out of their booth, padded to the wall behind Mary, jumped, and pulled down a black screen.

At the other end of the diner, the redhead noticed the blue cat jumping. "What? Furrball?" She glanced at her left hand, and saw that her "pet" had indeed escaped, and also noticed that she couldn't make a fist with her hand, much less feel anything with it. It was almost as if it was dead! Glaring at the carnivores, her white skin reddened, but Montana didn't seem to notice.

The carnivores stepped inside the improvised background, and motioned Mary to step in as well. The humanmaid scowled and reluctantly stood and did so.

There was very little light inside, just enough to see the floor a few metres around her. Then, a few more lights lit up, allowing her to see Calamity and Furrball some distance away working on what appeared to be a sound console and a keyboard. Then, she saw a silhouette on her right, and knew that it was none other than The J.A.M.

Her scowl intensified.

She wasn't sure if she should demand an apology or just turn around and leave, but her thoughts were interrupted when the scene lit up a trifle. Now she could see that he was standing with his back to her, arms crossed, and head, ears, and tail low.

He wasn't moving.

And seeing that he made no attempt to even talk to her, she was about to turn away and leave once and for all, but then curiosity got the best of her when she noticed that there was something on the panther's head. Rolling closer, she saw that Lightning Rodriguez was standing on his head, apparently holding a mouse-sized guitar. Some distance away, Calamity and Furrball activated something in the console, and a soft keyboard began playing. The J.A.M. turned slightly, still not facing his girlfriend, and Mary saw that Lightning was indeed holding a guitar, but it was not the acoustic guitar that he and Professor Gonzales normally used. Instead, Lightning was holding a very impressive-looking mouse-sized electric guitar, which he began playing excellently along with the music, in a slow rock rhythm.

Near the entrance, the redhead snarled, "Miserable—" The next word was drowned out by the music, fortunately. She tried to stand, determined to do something about all this, but something pulled her back down. Whirling, she saw Montana gripping her right arm.

"Are you nuts? Don't you remember what happened _last_ time?" he scolded.

She paled again, and stuttered, "Um—uh—no, Monty-wonty! I kinda forgot!"

The boy frowned with annoyance. "That wetback DICED you when you got too close! Do you want that to happen again?"

The girl gave a slight gasp, almost as if she was shocked to hear what had happened before. She looked again at the furries inside the screen, frowned again, and slumped back on the seat. "No, I guess not."

The introduction lasted a few more moments, and then Mary saw the onça lift his head a trifle. He began,

"_It still feels like our first day together."_ What? He was serenading her again? She huffed and crossed her arms, frowning at him.

"_It feels like the first kiss, and it's getting better, Mary._

_No one can better this."_ Unwillingly, she remembered when she kissed him at the roller dance. But did he actually think that he was going to win her over _again_?

"_I'm still holding on; you're still The One."_ The frown disappeared. She was?

"_The first time our eyes met—it's the same feeling I get."_ Though when she first saw him, they didn't look at each other in the eye. That happened later.

"_Only it feels much stronger._

_I wanna love you longer._

_You still turn the fire on."_ She sighed yet again, but this time she startled herself because of it. The music burst into the chorus:

"_So if you're feeling lonely, don't!"_ Lightning joined The J.A.M., and both looked up,

"_You're the only one I ever want!"_ The mouse hushed for an instant,

"_I only—"_ And both again,

"—_Wanna make it good_!" The jaguar held his fists up slightly, and both continued,

"_So if I love you a little more than I should…"_ The music lessened, and the onça lowered his paws and head. He apologised, with the rodent backing him up,

"_Please forgive me. I know not what I do._

_Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you." _Something inside Mary made her wonder if she would be able to take all of this.

"_Don't deny me. It's pain I'm going through."_ She tried to turn away, but her skates felt frozen. Her gaze was fixed on the floor.

"_Please forgive me—if I need you like I do." _The carnivore and his back-up looked up again and pleaded,

"_Please believe me! Every word I say is true_!" Quieting again, they looked at the floor,

"_Please forgive me."_ Lightning hushed as The J.A.M. turned to her slightly,

"_I can't stop loving you."_ As Lightning played a brief instrumental, the humanmaid's eyes began to water, and she uncrossed her arms. Sure, he had done her wrong, but it was unintentional. And she _knew_ that. She looked at herself, and wondered if maybe her actions this morning were more anger-venting than being a _true_ reprimand against her boyfriend. Wait, did she _still_ mean "boyfriend"?

The boyfriend continued,

"_It still feels like our best times are together._

_Feels like the first touch."_ He tried to hold her hand, but her anger pulled it away. Still, he continued,

"_We're still getting closer, Mary."_ They were?

"_Can't get close enough."_ It was then that she realised he had edged closer. She would have rolled away, but he turned to her again, looking at her beautiful eyes,

"_I'm still holding on—you're still Number One."_ She—she was?

"_I remember the way it has been;"_ Huh?

"_I remember everything!" _Wait a minute, did he change the lyrics?

"_I remember the way you flew; I remember you, yeah._

_I remember that day; you know I still do."_ Yes, he definitely changed them. And she _also_ remembered how she saved his life before. True, she would have done that to save anyone else, but the ache she felt in her heart that afternoon was back.

With a vengeance.

The panther looked up again as the music intensified,

"_So if you're feeling lonely, don't!"_ And with Lightning,

"_You're the only one I ever want!"_

"_I only—"_

"—_Wanna make it good!_

_So if I love you a little more than I should…"_ Calming for a moment, the jaguar looked at the floor again and repeated his plea, with the mouse on back-up,

"_Please forgive me. I know not what I do._

_Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you."_ Both looked up slightly, and the feline held his right fist to his chest,

"_Don't deny me. It's pain I'm going through._

_Please forgive me—if I need you like I do."_ And she needed him, too. The music went up slightly.

"_Oh, believe me! Every word I say is true!"_ Quietly again,

"_Please forgive me."_ The mouse hushed as the panther looked into Mary's eyes,

"_I can't stop loving you—YO!"_ The music shot up again; Lightning strumming hard on his guitar, startling Mary. Looking at the distance, the jaguar sang,

"_Ohhhh, oh!"_ The instrumental continued its crescendo. She couldn't stop loving, either. Looking at the effort he was doing, and expressing his feelings in this manner, was practically crumbling her defences. The two males continued, looking up and shouting,

"_The one thing I'm sure of—!_

_Is the way we stay in love!"_ They had?

"_The one thing I depend on—!_

_Is for us to stay strong!"_ And perhaps, there was a moment of weakness, on _both_ of their parts, that caused this whole problem.

"_With every word and every breath I'm praying!"_ Orange eyes focused on her again as the music suddenly hushed,

"_That's why I'm saying……:"_ The music resumed,

"_Please forgive me. I know not what I do."_ No, he didn't know what he did. And neither did she. He shook his head,

"_Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you."_ He was pleading with his eyes and paws now.

"_Don't deny me! It's pain I'm going through!_

_Please forgive me—if I need you like I do."_ Suddenly both males screamed, fangs and incisors flashing, making the humanmaid shiver,

"_Babe, believe me! Every word I say is true!"_ He could never lie to her.

"_Please forgive me—"_ The mouse hushed and let the jaguar look up and shout to the four winds,

"_If I can't stop loving you!"_ Mary had _never_ seen him like this, so _desperate_. Did he really love her that much? Both together,

"_NOOO, believe me! I don't know what I do!"_ And he really didn't know what he was doing, except trying to apologise.

"_Please forgive me."_ The rodent hushed at last.

"_I can't stop loving you."_ As the music softened, he turned, and realised they were now face to face, noses almost touching. He got lost in her dark brown eyes for a moment, so much that he forgot the last line of the song. Quickly, he improvised, though he stuttered a trifle,

"_I love you…_

…_Ummm—yes I do…" _

No more needed to be said. Mary hugged him tight, and Lightning dashed off the panther's head, allowing them to have their moment. For a while, they just held each other, and then the humanmaid began to softly scratch the feline's ears, activating his instinctive purr, making both of their rib cages vibrate. This was yet another moment Mary wished she was anything _but_ human. After a while, both looked at each other again.

"MarrrrrrrrrRRRRRrrrrrrry," It was difficult trying to speak and purr simultaneously, "PrrrrrrrRRRRRRI will be the firrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrst to admit that I'm the most unrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRromantic guy on this planet—rrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRR—this _dimension_—rrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRthat I know of—rrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr—what happened was entirrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRely _my_ fault, and I will make an efforrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRt to not let it happen again—rrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr—" He then pulled out a rather odd potted flower from behind him. The stem was as long as his arm and the blossom was the size of a grapefruit. Its many small orange petals gave it a round shape. "PrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRI ask forrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRR yourrrrrrRRRRRR forrrrrrrRRRRRrr—" Her index finger suddenly hushed him.

"Shut up," she whispered back, making him raise an eyebrow, and push his whiskers back. "I forgave you on the second chorus. And you're romantic enough for me!" And she accepted the flower.

He looked at her for a moment, and hugged her tight again, both smiling.

However, there was still a minor oppression in Mary's heart. She looked away and said, "J.A.M., I was a bit rash with you this morning. I will admit that I was angry because of what happened, and—I wasn't thinking straight. I shouldn't—" Tears flowed, finally. She looked at him, "—I shouldn't have tried to hit you. Please forgive _me_."

The purring stopped. His orange eyes focused on her and he replied, "Mary—I—perhaps I shouldn't have dodged you. I blew it really bad for you—and I guess I deserved a blow like that—"

"NO!" she sobbed. "I should have _never_ tried to hurt you like that!"

He raised an eyebrow again, and said, "You mean by slapping or punching?" She nodded sadly. "Oh. Well—um—" He thought for a moment again, trying to organise another option. "I guess I deserve the mallet then, right?"

She suddenly looked at him with shock. What was he, a masochist or something? "What are you, a masochist or something? I forgave you already!"

He sighed, "I hate pain like mostly everyone else. But if I've done something so awful, especially to someone I love, I'll take whatever I deserve. You can use a mallet, anvil, weight, or dynamite, or all if you want. I won't warp away." He released her, stood up straight, flattened his ears, looked straight ahead, and held his paws behind him.

The African-American looked at him with disbelief. Was he actually _asking_ her to vent by clobbering him toon-style?

"Go on, Mary, I deserve it."

She couldn't believe he had given her this option. She could clobber him, and then all would be in the past.

Setting the flower down, she slowly reached behind her, and pulled out a huge mallet. Taking a few deep breaths, she raised it high above her—

And stopped.

Angrily, she threw away the mallet.

The onça was about to ask her what was wrong, but then his girlfriend pulled a remote control from her pocket. Apparently, she changed her mind and decided to drop a huge weight on him.

Mary picked up the flower again, placed it a few metres from where they were standing, and resumed her position in front of him. Then she keyed in some co-ordinates, pressed the Red Button, and closed her eyes. Both sighed in resignation, and waited 0.34 seconds.

The panther then looked up to see how big was the weight that was going to flatten him.

And then everything happened in slow motion.

It took him 0.03 seconds to calculate the trajectory.

It took him 0.002 seconds to check his calculation and verify the answer.

It took him 0.0001 seconds to panic.

It took him 0.076 seconds to gasp, widen his eyes, and tense his muscles, simultaneously.

It took him 0.0003 seconds to realise he didn't have time for a colour-drain take.

(WARPUNWARPKATHUDMEGACLANG!)

It took 0.001 seconds for the feline to warp from where he was, unwarp just before he collided with the humanmaid, shove both of themselves out of the way, fall on the floor, and for the 50 ton weight to hit the spot where Mary was originally standing.

Everything then returned to normal speed.

"JUST WHAT THE BLEEP DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" he growled, rolling off her, and his yellow fur turning slightly red again.

His girlfriend growled back, "Letting you know what _I_ feel when you ask me to hurt you!"

The J.A.M. pointed an index digit at her and was about to give a retort, but suddenly lowered his paw and head. "Sorry, Cielo." He stood, and helped her stand.

"Snookums, if I forgave you, you don't need for me to clobber you. Not anymore than _you_ would want to clobber _me_ if I ever did something wrong to you."

"I'm—I'm sorry," he repeated, dusting the back of her shirt. "It's just that—when I feel terrible about having done wrong—I—I'm really hard on myself."

"So I noticed," she replied, dusting him off as well. Then, she looked at him, and asked, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"I said that I should have never tried to hit you this morning. Please forgive me."

They looked blankly at each other for several seconds before the panther realised what was next. "Oh. Yes, Honey. All is forgiven." Once he had said that, the oppression lifted from Mary's heart. She smiled at him once more, gave him a light kiss on the lips, and hugged him tight again.

"PrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRR…"

She looked into his eyes and said, "I wish I could do that."

He smiled and replied, "RRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrthe only way that can happen is if Calamity invents something that can turrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRn you into a feline, rrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRright Calamity?"

Both turned and saw the coyote and the other "bit players" packing up the sound system. He looked back at them with slight fright, and signed, "Maybe. But things like that are too complex and dangerous. I learned that the hard way after doing one of Babs' requests!" He returned to the packing, and the couple turned to each other again.

"Too bad," she smiled. "I would like to be transformed into a feline, perhaps a lioness or leopardess."

"RRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrjust those tworrrrrrrrRRRRRRR?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and both ears.

"Well, those two _are_ African, you know."

The jaguar thought for a trifle, and gave a mischievous smile. "RRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrr, a black pantherrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRess, now _that_ sounds interrrrrrrrrRRRRRRResting. But—" he said, removing some lint from her hair, "—rrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRI love you just the way you arrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRe."

She smiled, but with slight disappointment still.

He noticed that, so he stopped purring and added, "Tell you what. Why don't I call you 'Panterita'?"

Now _she_ raised an eyebrow. "It sounds cute, but what does it mean?"

"Leetle Panterr Gerrll!" squeaked Lightning, some distance away.

The panther gave a "sheesh" take while his girlfriend chuckled. "Um, close enough. I prefer the definition: 'Panthermaid'."

"Panterita" thought again, and smiled. "I like that. But if you give me a pet name like that, I guess I'll have to call you something else, too, besides 'Snookums'. Something _specially made_ for you…" She thought some more, rubbed her chin a bit, and pondered, "Hmmm…Jammy? Nah…Jelly? Nah…Marmalade? Nah…" Suddenly, a neon tube lit over her head, brightening the whole scene. "I got it! My pet name for you will be 'Furrycoat'! It fits you well, after what happened with Monty!"

"Furrycoat" wasn't sure what to think about that name, but he replied, "Sounds good to me. Say, Panterita, were you really going to stay still and let the weight flatten you?"

She playfully smirked at him and replied, "I had complete faith in your feline reflexes, Furrycoat." With that, she took his arm, and both rolled/padded away, picking up the flower along the way. As he helped her step out of the scene, Mary asked him, "J.A.M., did you change the lyrics to that song?"

"Um—yeah," he replied sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "A few lines were just a bit too explicit. And—I knew you wouldn't approve of them either. It would be too much and too soon for us."

She leaned on his arm. "Thanks for thinking of me like that. And you know something? You have a nice singing voice."

"As you do, Panterita. Maybe you can do another musical number for the WB sometime."

She sighed. "Maybe. I just wish they wouldn't overlook us 'bit players' so often."

"Or, we can make ourselves known, somehow. Don't worry, Mary. We'll think of something to make our talent known."

Moments later, the rest of the "bit players" stepped out as well, and Calamity and Furrball rolled up the scenery out of everyone's way. The patrons clapped at them, except for Montana, because he really didn't care, and his companion, because she had her left hand deadened with Novocain.

The girl then fumbled with her dress, trying to pull something out of her left pocket with her right hand. Montana wondered what she was trying to do, until she pulled out a picture. Leaning over her, he saw that it was one of the Looniversity. Then he wondered why she huffed and even steamed slightly.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked.

Paling again, she snapped out of her anger, and stuttered, "Um—uh—I really hate that song, Monty-wonty! And—and—um—I thought I had more music here but I was wrong!"

The boy raised an eyebrow at her, shrugged, and continued eating. She, too, resumed her lunch, but still glaring daggers at the furries, and Mary.

In the shadows, Junior paled and laid his ears slightly back and to the side. "Oh dear. Tex, what's 'your Elmyra' doing now?"

The crackled response was, "She's just standing at the gate, still waiting for Montana. Is something happening there?"

"I—I really don't know for sure. Dakota _could_ be here, but 'our Elmyra' is providing all the appropriate responses. Has 'your Elmyra' said anything?"

"Negative, but we'll keep you posted."

Junior sighed. If Dakota was indeed the one here…

Sitting in their booth, with the couples together, and Mary still holding her boyfriend's paw, she examined her gift and asked, "Say, what kind of flower is this?"

Calamity replied for the jaguar, _"__Cempasúchil."_ All the non-Spanish speakers took a minute or so to try to read that word. On another sign, the canine added, "Related to daisies and sunflowers, but found only in Mexico."

"Wow—that's—that's—" The African-American sat back and was lost for words.

"I know," her boyfriend told her. "I first thought of giving you a rose or tulip, but after thinking about it, I decided to give you something that was _truly_ a part of me." Before she could even ask how that word was pronounced, he held her hand up, and looked at her eyes, "And now, I'll make amends with you. The pool and extra room are just about finished, and I had to sell some stuff I won that I really didn't need, so I still have a bit of cash left. So what do you say you and I have our own private prom?"

Mary's face lit up, "At your lair?"

He shook his head, "Oh, no. It won't be ready soon enough. However, I can rent a ballroom or something, and set things up there. What do you say, Panterita? Wanna go out with me Friday night?"

She was lost in his orange eyes for a moment, and the events of the weekend faded into oblivion. "Oh, I'd LOVE TO!" she squealed, hugging him tight and digging her fingers into his sides—

"**_EEP!"_**

The next moment, Mary noticed that she was sitting by herself on her side of the booth, hugging herself. Glancing about, she wondered where her boyfriend had warped off to. Then she wondered why there was a bit of debris falling beside her, so she looked up—

—and saw her jaguar hanging by his claws from the ceiling, with his tail looking like a chimney brush.

"What are you doing up there?" she asked stoically.

"Um—" Being rather embarrassed that all the patrons were looking up at him, he released the ceiling, fell, stopped in mid-air five centimetres from the table with a light tire screech sound, flipped 180 degrees, and landed gently on the seat again. Looking nervously about, he leaned forward, and whispered, "Well, you remember when I gave Fifi the FDS?" The "bit players" leaned forward when he began whispering, and nodded rather nervously at the question. "Mary, you know how I told you that she triggered a reflex on me? Well, you kinda did that too just now." He looked around again, and continued in a faint hiss, "I'm very, _very_ ticklish! _All_ of my family is! There are toons that don't respond at all to poking, but if you poke me or squeeze me on my abdomen, chest, or back, or _anywhere_ on my torso, you'll see me jump like that every time. The strange thing is, though, that if I poke myself," he poked himself, "nothing happens. If someone else does it, even if I see it coming, I'll jump every time."

"But wait, Elmyra didn't tickle you when she grabbed you! And why didn't you jump when Fifi poked you?" signed Calamity in small print.

"Well, getting skinned kinda hurts, you know, so I did the FDS on Elmyra out of pain. Fifi didn't poke me, but grabbed my side instead. I couldn't jump because she was practically wrapped around me, and so I did the FDS out of instinct." The "bit players" looked at each other with slight confusion. "So that's a very deplorable facet of my personality. I really can't help it. And don't get me started on my foot-pads!"

His girlfriend patted his paw, and spoke, "Now, now, Furrycoat, if this is a genetic thing, you don't have to apologise. We'll all be careful from now on." Then she turned to the rest and spoke with a _very_ serious voice, "And I'd appreciate it if word of this _didn't_ get out." Her friends nodded. "And, as of this moment, NO ONE will tickle The J.A.M. like this anymore, is that clear?" The others nodded seriously as well, lest they trigger the anger that emanated from her eyes—"Except me, of course," she smirked evilly at her boyfriend, making his spots turn slightly grey with fright, which in turn caused the others to chuckle.

"Yoo don't haff to worry about dees getteeng out, Mery," smiled Lightning. "I doubt enee-one cares." That was true, but the "bit players" laughed at this particular convenience.

There were others who knew about this, however.

"That's what I love about J," sighed Anni, in the shadows, shuddering a bit in delight. "His one weakness that he actually _likes_ having exploited!" She sighed dreamily again.

Mary then turned to the smallest Mexican and said, "You know, Lightning, I didn't know you could sing backup that well!"

The mouse blushed a trifle and replied, "Ah, tank yoo, Mery."

"Say, I thought Acme only made acoustic guitars for small toons," she added. "Where did you get that electric guitar from?"

Lightning looked up at her and explained, "Profesor Gonzales rote to Acme. Eet seems dat dey were behind een makeeng museecal eenstrooments, bott dey cott opp. My geetarr wass one off de ferrst off de assembly line."

"Wow," she pondered. "I can't believe that the Looniversity hasn't noticed all the musical talent here!"

"Hey, we're 'bit players'," said Sneezer. "But maybe if we organise something, we could get noticed, yup-yup."

The panther replied, "Perhaps we could. But right now, we have a private prom to organise." All leaned forward and began discussing the logistics of the private prom.

In the shadows, a blue doe sighed dreamily again.

Junior told her, "We'll save J, Anni. Dakota won't succeed."


	9. Shesh: Double Toonage

SHESH - DOUBLE TOONAGE

The "bit players" discussed in length the details of the private prom, and some time later, they all stood and left the cafeteria.

"They're leaving now, and 'our Elmyra' is staying put," informed Junior. "Teams Beth and Gimmel, stay with your targets."

"Right!" Shadows moved noiselessly, and they exited moments after the "bit players" did.

"Tex, what's happening over there?"

"'Our Elmyra' looks rather sad—wait—she's leaving now."

"It's getting late, Junior," explained Alexi. "Everyone's going home, meaning that _both_ 'Elmyras' are going to turn in for the night. Whoever goes to her house has to be the real one!"

"And it looks like we'll find out where Dakota's camp is as well!" squealed Friz, with disturbing excitement.

"Once that happens, whoever has the real Elmyra, be sure to tag her—okay, hold it, these guys are moving too!" Junior stiffened his ears and held his breath as Montana and his companion stood, and left. Noiselessly, the three lagomorphs followed them outside. There, the limousine zoomed up, Grovely stepped out to open the door for them, and once everyone was inside, the vehicle sped off. (UNWARPUNWARPUNWARP!) Junior, Alexi, and Miriam were now outside Weenie Burgers.

"Monty and 'Elmyra' are headed east!" grunted Junior, watching the car shrink in the distance. "Tex, which way is 'your Elmyra' headed?"

A moment later, "Still headed south—wait, she just turned a corner and is now headed east as well!"

"What?" asked Miriam, wincing. "She's headed for Elmyra's house too?"

"We'll know in a little bit," replied Shotsy. "Ugh, all this hiding is _murder_ on my make-up!"

"Stay with her, guys! Okay team, let's move!" At that command (WARPWARPWARP!) the three bunnies disappeared.

Several minutes later, (UNWARPUNWARPUNWARP!) they reappeared one-half block away from Elmyra's house, where Montana's limousine was currently parked, and Grovely had just stepped out. (WARPWARPWARP!) They moved to the shadows again an instant before Grovely opened the door. The girl stepped out, and in a flash, Grovely resumed his position and the limousine sped off again. The humanmaid looked at the car for an instant as it left at a ridiculous speed, and then went inside the house.

"Looks like you have Dakota on your side, Tex," whispered Junior, relieved that Dakota had _not_ seen her plans fail at the diner. The Fourteen sighed with relief, and all raised their ears as they relaxed.

"Elmyra's in her house?"

"Just walked right in."

"Odd. I wonder where Dakota is going."

"Still headed east?" asked Alexi.

"Yes. Perhaps she set up camp near Elmyra's house to keep track of her as well?"

Junior thought about it, and answered, "Possibly, but this is a residential area. Where could she set up camp around here where no one would notice?"

Miriam then had an idea, "I'll take a look around, Junior. _Something's_ gotta be out of place around here!" There was some movement in the shadows, but all anyone would have been able to hear was very light rustling.

Ten minutes later, Tex saw things begin to get weirder. "I think she camped either behind or in front of her house, Junior! She's right on this block!"

"We'll find out soon enough where she's camping at! Miriam, get back here!"

Some more rustling and the albino doe was once again with the other rabbits. Just then, the girl turned the corner.

"We see her coming, Tex. Where are you?"

"Just around the corner, Junior. Is she making any moves?"

"No, she just looks sad, still—huh?"

"'Huh' what?" asked everyone.

"Um, teams, I don't know what to make of this, but 'this Elmyra' is _also_ going inside!"

The Fourteen tilted their ears sideways and gasped in unison.

"Dakota is camping _inside_ Elmyra's house! But WHERE! HOW!"

"She's full of tricks, Shotsy!" replied Tex. "I don't know how she was able to trick the rest of the family and make sure they didn't see both of them at the same time, but she did it somehow!"

The redhead sadly went inside.

The mission leader grunted, "Oh dear, that means we _still_ don't know who's who, and we DON'T know if Dakota was at Weenie Burgers watching her plans fail!"

All the communicators fell silent for a minute, until Anni asked, "Junior, can you go inside and check on them?"

"No. Elmyra has booby traps all around her house, she has plenty of cages in her room, _and_ she has a pet dungeon in the basement! It would be too risky, and she could blow our cover!"

"(CENSORED)!" grunted Bekki, stomping in anger. "What do we do now?"

Junior also stomped in anger at the impossibility of it all. Finally, he made his decision. "Teams Beth and Gimmel, are Mary and The J.A.M. going home?"

"Yes," replied Morty. "Mary and Sweetie just went inside their building."

"The J.A.M. took her home and is now headed for the forest," added Anni. "The other 'bit players' have split off and gone to their homes as well."

"All right. Return to Base. Team Aleph will stake out Dakota and Elmyra here, is that clear?"

"Clear!" Silence again.

As Team Aleph reunited outside Elmyra's house, Junior looked to the sky, and sighed. Closing his eyes, he whispered, "Dear God, please help us rescue our friends, and let us complete this mission successfully." He looked at the ground, and then back at the house. They couldn't allow Dakota to defeat them.

They just _couldn't_.


	10. Sh'bah: Anticipation

SH'BAH - ANTICIPATION

"This is a K-ACME news update. Here's your host: Mary Melody."

"Good afternoon, I'm Mary Melody, and this is a K-ACME News update." She was very cheerful today, for some reason. "It seems that some students still haven't recovered from the prom last Friday night, as our news crew found out today." The scene switched to the gym, where Sneezer and Sweetie were dancing on top of a rafter to the tune of "Blue Danube".

Back in the studio, "That's right, the prom has effectively 'prom-oted' a lot of relationships. They were advertising for love, and, apparently, the subject audience responded. It gave some couples the little push they needed. And in some cases, it downright _shoved_ the relationship into existence." Elmyra was dragging Montana out the main doors again, flopping him around as she would any of her pets, with him screaming protests of all sorts.

"Meanwhile, the clean-up continues." Next, the screen showed an impossibility: Dizzy Devil was on the floor of the gym, nearly unconscious, with a bloated abdomen, apparently in great pain. Beside him was a table, and on top of it was a half-eaten cake.

"The prom committee apparently miscalculated the amount of food to bring, so the clean up crew is currently backed up, and feeling a little flushed. Granted, the job was sure to be draining at first, but the crew saw no problem with taking the plunge-er, at first." She continued smiling at the camera despite some laughter in the studio, as well as a very faint moan of pain from a Tasmanian devil.

"Unfortunately, there have been cases of anger amongst some females." Fifi LaFume was stomping down the hall, spilling fumes, as always, only this time the fumes were greener than usual. Her eyes radiated wrath like never before. Behind her, suffocating toons writhed in agony, and paint peeled all around.

"So mark my words, boyfriends, if you found your girl appealing when you asked her to the prom, but decided to stand her up for whatever reason, she's now a-peeling—the walls of the Loo. You'd better appeal to her better nature, and BEG for a second chance, because time is running out! Not to mention the Looniversity, and Warner Brothers, are running out of paint. Principal Bugs has threatened to withdraw funds from the male sport teams if this issue is not resolved soon. More news tonight at ten. This is Mary Melody for K-ACME News!"

The following four days were quite hectic for the "bit players", and Mary knew that. Though she had offered to help, her boyfriend insisted that she relax and wait until Friday because he wanted to surprise her. So, as Mary got ready for school Tuesday morning, she knew that some two hours earlier The J.A.M. had already awakened and was looking for a hotel that would rent him a ballroom. Having been in press conferences in hotels, she knew that finding one wasn't that much of a problem, since he had the money for it, but the rent contract threw in quite a few responsibilities. A ballroom would have to be available all day, giving everyone time to decorate and set up the sound system, if it didn't include one. Since everyone had school on Friday, she knew that The J.A.M. would have to get up pretty early to start setting it up, then either miss lunch and/or get out early to finish decorating and make sure it was ready. He'd probably have to get himself ready in the hotel itself because of the limited time he had. Mary also wondered if he would get the hotel to provide food, or if they would have dinner somewhere else. It was a HUGE job, she knew, too much for him to handle alone. After all, the Looniversity prom committee had about ten toons, and each toon had several assistants to get everything ready.

Then there was the clean up job. She knew that the hotel ballroom would have to be restored to its original condition that very same night or on Saturday morning, if the hotel had no other events planned for that room in particular. Here, Mary realised that her boyfriend would have to shove down his solitary instincts and work with a team. And he did, too. Over the next four days she saw him talking extensively to the other "bit players", who helped him out without question, but not only them. She also saw him talking to Arnold, Vinnie, and Concord as well.

Of course, since it wasn't a prom for a whole school but for only one couple, or two if Sneezer and Sweetie decided to have a date there as well, the preparations would not be that extensive and elaborate. Still, with limited time, Mary knew that it was going to be pulling it close.

And she smiled.

Because she knew that he was doing _all_ of this _just_ _for_ _her_.

The Fourteen, too, had their paws full for the next four days. While Team Beth had no problems sticking with Mary, Team Gimmel was being thrown all over the place as they tried to keep up with the jaguar. So much, in fact, that Junior decided that the two teams would alternate their targets daily, despite Anni's to stay with The J.A.M. Team Aleph was already stretched thin as it was, with three rabbits looking after "each Elmyra". And while "neither Elmyra" ever got close to the hotel that the "bit players" were going to hold their private prom in, what had them worried was that late at night, in Elmyra's house, one top floor window glowed faintly with what they _knew_ was the light of a computer monitor.

And they all prayed that it was just Elmyra's father using the computer.

They had no way of knowing if it was Elmyra or Dakota, either. Neither of them had bags under their eyes, which meant that either they both slept well, or one of them knew how to apply make-up _and_ take just the right amount of caffeine to stay alert during the day.

Inside the Looniversity, there were absolutely no other clues as to who was who, either. Having a two-week advantage helped Dakota move around the school without any difficulty. "Both Elmyras" stayed relatively apart while on campus, but _both_ were either in class, in the library, or in the Film Vault, separately, of course.

They simply couldn't tell who was Elmyra and who was Dakota.

Fourteen against one was barely enough, especially when the one was practically invisible.


	11. Shammonneh: It Was A Dark And Stormy Nig

SHAMMONNEH - IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT

Friday was finally here. And as Mary predicted, her boyfriend and the other "bit players", as well as a few more friends, arrived at the Looniversity two hours after having awakened. And all throughout the day, the panther kept giving her sly looks, which sometimes sent shivers down her vertebral column, besides making her blush intensely. Despite being extremely tired, the enthusiasm and anticipation for tonight was enough to keep a smile on his face and the adrenaline flowing. During lunch, the males disappeared again and then reappeared an hour later just in time for the next class. Mary wasn't sure, but with all the preparations she _knew_ were being done, it seemed as if the panther had slimmed a trifle. It was difficult to tell with that oversize t-shirt of his, but she would verify this tonight. It was doubtful, after all, that his tuxedo would also be oversize.

One thing that was very annoying to her in all of this was that because he had been so busy, she had not been able to speak to him since Monday afternoon. She had her moments where she just wanted to grab him, sit him on her couch, call the whole mini-prom off, and become lost in his eyes. She didn't want all of this effort to go to waste, of course, and she knew that after Friday night, everything would become much better than it was before.

She couldn't wait until tonight!

The Fourteen, meanwhile, were filled with tension, stress, and FEAR. Dakota had yet to be identified, and they still had no idea what her plans were to ensure her success. And with "both Elmyras" being particularly giddy this week, The Fourteen knew that Dakota wasn't nervous today at all.

And since Dakota was happy, the rabbits were a bundle of nerves.

All fourteen of them nearly jumped through the roof when Gogo rang the final bell.

Mary skated to the main doors, where The J.A.M. was waiting for her. Both hugged and gave each other a light kiss.

"Ready for tonight, Panterita?" he purred.

"I've been ready for two weeks, Furrycoat, but I hope you are as well. Everything is all set up?"

"We just need a few more things, but they will be ready by tonight. At what time shall I pick up milady?"

Giggling at that new title, she scratched his chin, making him purr and tilt his head _way_ back. "I'll be expecting you at seven, is that okay?"

"PrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR—seven is fine!" he burst, snapping out of his rather pleasant trance. Both chuckled and padded/skated outside, where it had just begun to rain.

Heavily.

"Oh dear, I hope this doesn't mess up our date!" she said, looking at the dark grey clouds pour their contents over the city.

He, too, analysed the weather conditions, and stated, "Well, this was certainly unexpected, but nothing that a few adjustments can't overcome. I can leave the bike here and pick it up later and just warp to the hotel. Um, since I'm a jaguar, I don't mind the rain at all, but do _you_ need help getting home?"

She waved that off again. "Nah, I'll just use my raincoat. I'll be okay, Snookums. See you tonight?" she asked, placing her arms around his shoulders.

"Tonight, and always," he purred. Both kissed again, and separated. "Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening," he winked.

"Good evening." (WARP!) He was gone from her sight, but remained in her heart.

Somewhere in the shadows, Team Beth saw Mary pull out her raincoat and cover herself. The communicators were busy again.

"IhaterainIhaterainIhaterainIhaterain—"

"Shut the (CENSORED) up, Shotsy! Your (CENSORED) make-up doesn't matter right now!"

"That's enough, you two!" grunted Junior. "Shotsy, we haven't gone outside yet, okay? Please try to put your looks aside for now. You'll have plenty of time to fix yourself up later. Anni, is everything okay?"

"We just left, right behind The J.A.M., and are headed for the hotel."

"Morty, how are you doing?"

"We're at the entrance with Mary. She's getting ready to go home."

"Tex, what's your position?"

"'Our Elmyra' is in the bathroom. And 'yours'?"

"We're following her to the entrance, and she's alone. If she goes to the hotel, she's Dakota. If she goes home or to Montana's house, she's Elmyra."

Once Mary had her yellow raincoat on, she hopped down the steps and skated away, loving the feel of the rain splashing on her face.

She had never been happier, and tonight her happiness would completely erase the events of last week.

"Mary's gone home," informed Morty.

"Roger that," replied Junior. "We're just about to leave, too." Six eyes were practically glued to "the Elmyra" that walked out the main entrance. She stopped when she saw the pouring rain, so she pulled an umbrella out of nowhere, and walked to the curb where a bus was conveniently waiting. She climbed on and the bus pulled away, followed by Junior, Alexi, and Miriam.

"It looks like 'our Elmyra' is going home, Tex," said Miriam, panting slightly.

Junior ordered, also panting slightly, "Team Gimmel, stand by with The J.A.M., and watch out for Dakota!"

Five minutes later, Tex informed, "Dakota's headed outside now." The other three elder rabbits followed the second redhead to the entrance, and watched as she donned her yellow raincoat. Then she skipped to the sidewalk, and hopped on the next bus. Which was odd, because Tex winced, "What the—_that's_ not the bus that goes to the hotel!"

"FOLLOW HER, YOU (CENSORED)!"

The green buck grunted through his teeth, "Just wait till we get home, Bekki. Junior, 'our Elmyra' seems to be going home as well!"

"This can't be right. Stay with her! Maybe Dakota's going somewhere else to continue with her plans!" Twenty-eight ears tilted back at this.

Ten minutes later, Junior, Alexi, and Miriam arrived at Elmyra's house, just as the first redhead stepped off the bus and walked to her house. Still in the shadows, the leader informed, "Well, she went inside. Tex, where are you now?"

"Huff—puff—right behind the second bus! It's in the neighbourhood now!" Junior stomped with frustration. One week and they _still_ could not get the upper paw on Dakota. Two minutes later, Tex, Friz, and Shotsy arrived just as the second bus stopped at the corner. And much to everyone's disbelief, the "second Elmyra" also stepped out and headed for the house. Team Aleph converged once more.

"Monotonous, isn't it?" quipped Alexi. "—or is it?" she asked, twitching her nose. The team looked closer, and finally saw something different. "This Elmyra" walked around the house, and entered through the back door.

"Dakota?" asked Shotsy. The rest thought, and all looked at Tex, for some reason.

"Maybe," he sighed. "But even so, we have no idea what she's gonna do inside!"

"Maybe mess up the romantic night?" asked Miriam, indignantly, stiff ears against her back. "What _else_ do you think she's gonna do? Whoever comes back out and heads for the hotel HAS to be Dakota!"

Junior grunted with frustration and tilted his ears sideways in fear again. "We'll know tonight. One way or another, tonight's when we find out."

The rain poured and poured all afternoon and through the evening. Outside Elmyra's house, Team Aleph was hiding under a porch nearby to avoid getting soaked.

At around six-thirty, Anni reported from the hotel, "Well, Junior, it looks like The J.A.M.'s friends came through. The room is ready, and it looks like Arnold even rented a room for him so he could get ready. Nothing suspicious around here."

"And no one has messed with the electricity or the decorations?" asked Alexi.

"No. Calamity made sure everything was working correctly. He just finished a few tests on the sound system, and everything's working right," replied Chuck.

"Morty, how's Mary coming along?" asked Junior.

"From what the girls can see, Mary's just about ready." Lagomorph muscles tensed in three points of Acme Acres. If Dakota was going to make her move, she would do it any second now.

Anni suddenly informed, shuddering, "The J.A.M. just came out of his room—whoa! That's one spiffy male if I've ever seen one!"

The jaguar, dressed in a slightly oversize black tuxedo with a black bowtie, padded out of his room and headed for the front desk. Hearing the rain outside, he pulled out a black umbrella.

"He's about to leave!" informed Anni. "Come on, you slowpokes! He's getting a cab! MOVE!" Team Gimmel followed the onça out the main entrance, and saw him hop inside an awaiting taxi. "He's headed for you, Morty!"

"I copy that!"

Mary looked at herself in the mirror. Once again, she had the dress that she wore on the original prom night: a strapless low-cut light blue gown that seemed to sparkle with the light, matching gloves, and dazzling blue shoes. Her ponytail was set in a dazzling blue bow as well. Perhaps it was a trick of the light, but she seemed radiant, for some reason. Or perhaps the animators decided to help her knock her boyfriend's footpads off.

She sighed dreamily.

Tonight was their first formal date, with formal attire, formal reservations, formal everything! Not an improvised one with an extra, like on the last prom. Starting tonight, everything was going to move to deeper and closer things.

The ringing of the doorbell nearly made her jump and grab the ceiling. Quickly composing herself, she practically floated to the entrance. She patted down her hair for a moment, and opened the door.

The sight of each other nearly blew their shoes/footpads off.

"Wow/Híjole, you look great!" they both said simultaneously, and then laughed simultaneously because of their simultaneousness.

The panther held out his left arm and stated, "This way, milady. Your 'steed' awaits."

She giggled again as she took his arm. "Thank you, kind sire!"

Teams Beth and Gimmel watched as they bounded down the stairs. At the door, the feline opened his black umbrella and held it up over themselves. Walking/padding outside, he opened the door for her, and followed her into their taxi.

"No problems here," informed Anni. "Junior, is Dakota doing anything?"

"No movement here. Any problems with the cab?"

"None. We're returning to the hotel now."

Outside Elmyra's house, Tex checked his watch. "It's just about seven o'clock now. Either Dakota got overconfident, or she plans to do something at the last moment."

"Everyone, be ready for anything," sighed Junior, after which he muttered, "God help us all."

The cab arrived at the hotel, and the panther stepped out first to open the door for his girlfriend.

Moments after they went inside, (UNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARP!) Teams Beth and Gimmel appeared. All eight of them spin-changed into dry fur and attire, and (WARPWARPWARPWARPWARPWARPWARPWARP!) sneaked inside.

The J.A.M. led Mary through the lobby and down some steps, which led to a hallway, at the end of which were two large doors. Standing beside them were Calamity and Beeper, both also in tuxedos, who opened the doors as the couple arrived. Much to the humanmaid's surprise, a trumpet fanfare suddenly rang out. Quickly looking about, she saw that on her left was Sneezer, again in a tuxedo, playing the fanfare. Standing beside him was Sweetie, in a dazzling pink dress, and Lightning, in formal attire as well.

Lightning waited for Sneezer to finish, and announced, "Preesenteeng! De J.A.M., and De Lovvellee Mery Melodee!"

She held her mouth so she wouldn't burst laughing at that introduction. Turning to her boyfriend, she chuckled, "And I thought that only happened to me on the championship game!"

"Well, they should do that whenever you enter _anyplace_, Panterita."

She smirked playfully again and tapped his nose, "Flattery will get you nowhere, Furrycoat."

He smirked back, "Oh really? Well, it's got me _this_ far, babe." The couple stepped/padded in, and Calamity and Beeper shut the doors. Any passer-by would have then seen a sign squeeze through the crack between the doors that proclaimed, "PRIVATE".

Mary now contemplated the décor. There were balloons of all colours hanging from the walls, joined by colourful streamers. There was a large banner on one wall which proclaimed:

PROM/HOMECOMING DANCE—REPRISE

—which made the humanmaid sigh contentedly. Next to one wall, there was a large sound system set up, and the coyote was running to it to start the show. On the opposite wall, there was a table covered with a white tablecloth, and on the centre was a crystal bowl filled with red liquid, surrounded by several glasses. Mary noticed some appetizers on the table as well, but nothing complicated, meaning they would have dinner in a restaurant. A few chairs were next to the table, for their "timeouts".

It _was_ a simple set-up, and most definitely improvised, but the décor at the gym wasn't much more complex than this. Just more decorations because it was a bigger place.

There was one crucial difference in all of this, of course:

All this was _just_ _for_ _her_.

She suddenly turned to him and hugged him tight, practically squeezing his lungs flat. "THANK YOU!"

"…You're welcome…!" he gasped with a strained voice again. Quickly, Mary released him and apologised while he re-inflated to normal size. Once he recovered, he turned to Calamity, and nodded. The coyote pulled out a remote control, and pressed several buttons. The main lights dimmed, some coloured spotlights gave ambience to the ballroom, and soft music began playing.

The jaguar turned to the humanmaid again, held her hands, and said, "Okay, now's my 'trial by fire'. I hope I don't step on you too often, Panterita."

Panterita giggled, "Well, you're not wearing shoes, so I don't think that will be a problem. Shall we?" The onça nodded and rather clumsily tried to get into a dance position: hand with paw, and hand/paw on shoulder. The music was slow, but he was tense nonetheless. As they slowly began stepping about, he kept glancing down at their feet/foot-paws to make sure he was in step with her, and to make sure the next step didn't squash her toes.

Mary Melody sighed. Perhaps the tension on his part didn't help the romantic atmosphere she expected here, but _at least_ he was trying. Now, if he could only relax a trifle…

"So far so good," whispered Anni, in the shadows.

Thirty seconds after the music began, the lights went out.

"(CENSORED), we have a blackout!" chattered Bekki.

The couple stopped dancing, naturally, wondering what was happening.

"Wow, I guess the storm's pretty bad," commented the panther.

"But doesn't this hotel have a backup generator?" asked his partner. "If it does, it should have automatically kicked in when the power left." She looked around, and saw everyone's eyeballs. Education works wonders, she thought again. One odd thing though, was that two pairs seemed to glow. She thought she could see a third set, but it was too faint for her eyes. "You know, Snookums, your eyes, and Furrball's, glow in the dark!"

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just our night vision kicking in. A feline thing."

"Okay, but as a human, I can't see anything in here except everyone's eyeballs!"

The J.A.M. turned to the door for a moment, and then turned back to his girlfriend. "Calamity and Furrball are going to see what's going on. They'll be back in a bit." Mary then saw the door open, letting in some light from the lobby in the distance. Two silhouettes left the ballroom, and the door closed again.

"I suppose we just wait here, then?" she asked.

The jaguar thought for a moment, and replied, "Perhaps not. Lightning, do you still have your guitar?"

"¡Sí!" squeaked the mouse, from the far wall. "I'm way ahedd of joo!"

"Okay, but remember that you can't use your electric guitar here." Mary heard some shuffling where Lightning's eyeballs were, and then soft guitar music began playing. The glowing orange eyeballs turned to her again, "Ever danced in the dark before?"

"Nope."

"Neither have I, so I guess we're going to have an interesting experience." Mary felt his paws shift again as he reset his dancing pose. She did the same, and began dancing to the music once more.

"Well, this is certainly a first for me," she said, allowing the experience to sink in.

"And for me. But at least with the lights gone, you can't tell if I'm out of step or not."

"Don't make me poke you, Furrycoat!"

"Oh, I won't, I won't!" he replied, rather panicky. Lightning continued playing as the couple danced in the darkness.

Morty grunted frantically, wanting to throw something, "Junior, has _either_ of them left the house?"

"Negative! No one has left at all!"

"But why would Dakota _not_ be at the hotel? There's no way she could stand _not_ seeing her plans work!" hissed Miriam. "Although the romantic atmosphere there doesn't seem affected," she replied more calmly.

At the hotel, Chuck suggested, "Maybe the blackout wasn't her doing?

"It HAS to be! Why else wouldn't Calamity have fixed it—"

The ballroom lit up again.

"—already? The power's back, thank God," Anni sighed with relief. The rest, too, were relieved at the news and straightened their ears.

Junior ordered, "Morty, take Team Beth and patrol the hotel. Anni, you and Team Gimmel stay with Mary and The J.A.M. They won't split off until they go home—I hope." Rabbit ears then detected a very nervous muttering from their leader.

Even _he_ was now doubting the success of their mission.

The couple smiled and continued dancing to Lightning's guitar music, and a few minutes later, the other two carnivores returned.

Team Beth (WARPWARPWARPWARP!) sneaked out the doors just before they closed, and began their patrol.

"Hunni, stay out here, and warn us if anyone approaches. Bekki, stay in the lobby. June, you come with me and we'll scout the rest of the hotel." The does nodded at Morty, and sneaked into position.

In the ballroom, Lightning finished his song, and allowed Calamity to reset the sound system again. The couple continued to dance blissfully.

Ears were barely straightening when two minutes later, Bekki uttered a super curse: **_"(CENSORED)!"_**

"WHAT!" yelled everyone else, as long ears tilted everywhere. Her brothers and sisters knew she only used that word for either near-death or near-hopeless situations.

"Montana's here! He just arrived and he's in the lobby now!"

On the third floor, Morty and June skidded to a halt, did an about-face, and bounded downstairs again. "What's he doing!" asked Morty.

"He just called someone and hung up his cell phone as he was walking inside! Now—now he's headed for the coffee shop?"

"He's not going to the ballroom?" asked Junior.

"No. But from where he's sitting, he can see straight down the hall where the ballroom is! Can you see him, Hunni?"

"Yes, I can see him. And now he's hiding behind a newspaper! Perhaps he's waiting for someone?"

"Elmyra, Roderick, Elmer Fudd, or Yosemite Sam?" asked June, as she and Morty reached the lobby.

Junior muttered nervously, trying to assess the situation, and said, "Now, guys, if he's _not_ making any moves, then maybe he's going to do separate business against the others, not necessarily against The J.A.M. and Mary. Dakota hasn't left the house, so maybe she's—"

"**_(CENSORED)!"_**

The hotel doors suddenly exploded as a lavender tornado twisted its way inside, wrecking everything it touched. It even smashed through a wall and emerged on the opposite side. So swift was the explosion that by the time Bekki finished saying her curse, the tornado swept past Hunni, and burst inside the ballroom.

Inside, everyone froze.

The tornado slowed down and stopped.

"BLEPHBTTTBLARGHHTRLPPTTPARTYYYYYYY!"

All that the couple could say at this was, "What the bleep—?"

Dizzy spun once more and resumed his rampage, beginning at the table. The decorations were pulled into the vortex and were also consumed, and finally, the sound system exploded with sparks as the Tasmanian devil spun into it. It took less than thirty seconds and one pass, since the room wasn't that big, for Dizzy to accomplish what his instincts dictated. And just as soon as he entered, he left.

The "bit players" had cringed the moment Dizzy attacked, and now that he was gone, they slowly straightened out. Ears and tails remained low, however.

Mary just looked blankly at the wrecked hallway, and exclaimed, "I thought he was still recovering from the cleanup!" Looking around her, she assessed the damage, and her enthusiasm fell.

The table was reduced to splinters, and bits of white rags filled with saliva were all that was left of the tablecloth. The punchbowl was upside down, and empty. Torn streamers and popped balloons hung from the walls. The sign now read:

HO! ME COMING!

—apparently Dizzy's signature. And what was left of the sound system would make a good transistor radio.

It took The J.A.M. one minute to fully comprehend what had happened. With complete disbelief, he looked around too, and could only ask one thing:

"Who invited Dizzy?"

"HE DID WHAT!" hissed Junior.

Hunni sobbed, ears lopped, "He caught us all by surprise! Dizzy just came in here and wrecked everything! Now the mini-prom is ruined!"

"But who told Dizzy there was a party there tonight?" asked Morty. "'Neither Elmyra' ever got close to him all week long, and he doesn't have a phone!"

"Speaking of (CENSORED) phones, someone's calling Monty now! Be quiet and listen!" Bekki sneaked into the coffee shop and (UNWARP!) sat behind Montana. She couldn't see him, but she and the rest could hear him perfectly.

"What? Oh, hi, Toots. Yeah, I'm here. He-he, yeah, it was a disaster! I wish you could have seen the looks on their faces! _My_ plans worked _perfectly_!"

Everyone gasped and winced again.

_HIS_ plans?

Were The Fourteen so obsessed with Dakota that they completely forgot the rest of the villains? Had they forgotten The J.A.M.'s animosity with Montana Max?

"But how did _Monty_ know about this?" asked Friz, more disturbed than usual. "Dakota couldn't have made him come up with a plan against The J.A.M. without revealing herself to him! He'd _know_ Elmyra's too stupid to come up with something like this!"

"Pick you up? Sure, I'm sending it now. See ya, Toots."

"I don't know how she did it, but somehow she did!" hissed Junior. "Okay, Team, Monty sent the limo here, and it's going to pick _someone_ up. Whoever leaves is the _real_ Dakota!"

Inside Elmyra's house, a young humanmaid hung up the phone, smiled, and leaned back on the couch in the living room. One minute later, she jumped up when the doorbell rang, and ran to answer it.

There, Grovely looked down at her and declared, "Master Maximilian sent me to pick you up, Mistress Elmyra."

"He _did_?" she squealed, suddenly quite happy. "Okay, let's go!" The redhead pranced out the door while the butler calmly walked back with her to the limousine. The humanmaid joyously splashed on the puddles left by the recent rain.

One second before the first redhead disappeared out the door, however, the second redhead was half-way down the stairs.

And she saw her leave with Grovely.

Gasping, she ran down the stairs and was about to shout something, but her trip, and exclamation, was cut short when Grovely, unknowingly, shut the door in her face. The second redhead wobbled a bit, and would have fainted right there and then, but the urgency and unexpectedness of the situation suddenly jolted her back to her senses. She opened the door again to see a tinted window roll up and hide the redhead that was inside, while Grovely climbed in. As soon as he did, the limousine sped off.

The second redhead ran out to the sidewalk to see the car roar away. Breathing nervously, and with a look of nervousness and extreme fright, the humanmaid ran after the car.

Team Aleph couldn't be more confused, and when Junior informed them of the events, his siblings were also filled with mental disarray.

"She iiiis?" asked Buck, wincing repeatedly. Even his slowness couldn't be blamed for his confusion now.

"Either Dakota missed the limo or Elmyra's wondering what's going on! Tex, Friz, Shotsy, stay with 'the Elmyra' who's running! Alexi, Miriam, and I will follow the limo! Keep the communications open, guys!"

"We will!" Three leporids sped ahead, while three remained just behind the second redhead.

The jaguar had released his partner, and was sadly padding around the room, whiskers down, ears low and tail dragging. All those hours of preparation and setting things up—

Gone.

Who had told Dizzy?

"J.A.M., we were all busy with this place! None of us talked with Dizzy all week long, nuh uh!" The panther looked down at the mouse with a tuxedo and diapers, and said nothing.

The humanmaid quickly walked up to him and tried to console him, "J.A.M., we'll figure out later how Dizzy found out about this. Please, don't be angry. I'm upset at this, too, but none of it was your fault!"

Silence.

And silence from a predator was never a good thing.

In the shadows, Anni suddenly pulled out a picture. "Oh no."

Morty suddenly interrupted her thoughts, "Strange, Montana's leaving."

"Huh?" panted Junior as he bounded after the limousine.

Team Beth watched as the boy made his way out of the hotel. Bekki sneaked outside, just behind him, and reported, "He's waiting for something—oh, he just came out to receive Elmyra or Dakota—no wait—he's getting inside the limo as well, (CENSORED) it! Junior, where are they going?"

The mission leader calculated its trajectory. And then, he gasped. "THEY'RE HEADED FOR THE RESTAURANT!"

The Fourteen, in unison, did a colour-drain take.

The onça suddenly turned to the humanmaid, "Mary, I'm sorry—"

"Don't be," she interrupted. "J.A.M., Snookums, _you_ didn't do this!"

"I know!" he growled. "But what am I going to do now? We can't dance in a place like this, and there's no way that I'm going to get another room at this time of the night!"

Mary sighed. For a few minutes, she had felt the tension in their relationship ebb as they spent time together here. Now, the tension was coming back.

And this time, he was _not_ at fault.

"And now the hotel is going to want their room back the way it was! It's going to take me all night to clean it up!"

"No," signed Calamity. Everyone turned to the coyote as he stepped up to the couple. "We know you're trying to have a date tonight. Look, we'll clean up here, and you just go to the restaurant. Don't worry about anything here, okay?"

The J.A.M. looked at him sadly, and explained, "But Calamity, _I'm_ responsible for this room! I have to fix this up as well! I can't leave all you guys here to do _my_ work!"

Suddenly Lightning zoomed up and stood on the panther's head. "J.A.M., please, don't worree. Joo josst haff fonn, okay?"

Mary pleaded as well, "J.A.M., it's okay. They'll help us out here. I can talk to the hotel manager tomorrow and get you more time to clean up if you need it, and I'll even help you guys out in the morning. But please, don't let this ruin our night!"

The jaguar sighed. Gently, he removed Lightning from his head, and looked at his friends. "I really do feel terrible about leaving you all. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"JUST GO!" piped Sweetie in his face.

Reluctantly, The J.A.M. put Lightning on the floor, grabbed Mary's hand, and headed outside. As he did, he looked at the "bit players" and said, "Guys, I'm really sorry you're putting in overtime on this. I'll make it up to you, somehow! I'll—" The coyote and the cat practically shoved him out the door—

"Follow them, Anni! We're inside the restaurant now!"

"We are, we are!"

—and shut it behind the couple. Looking back at the wrecked doors, he quipped, "Thank God for true friendship."

Mary dragged him away, "Amen to that, Furrycoat, but let's just get out of here. I'm sure Calamity can whip up something to clean up the room in a jiffy." It took some effort for her to get him outside, and even more for him not to extend his toe claws. Outside, they saw that it had stopped raining and the sun had long since set. The scent of humid dirt calmed both down, though only a trifle.

"Um, J.A.M., l-let's walk, okay?" asked Mary, hoping that would further calm him down. With a frustrated sigh, he led the way down the street. Looking up, he saw a few pink clouds that covered what few stars could be seen in the city. He looked ahead again.

And said nothing.

That was more than unnerving for his girlfriend, who noticed that his grip on her hand was a trifle more firm than usual.

"Honey? Please say something," she pleaded.

Snapping out of his internal conflict, he turned to her. "I'm—I'm sorry, Mary. This night was supposed to be _our_ special night, to make up for the real prom—"

"Yes, but this time, _you_ didn't mess up! There was even a prom where Dizzy nearly wrecked everything at the school, too! Dizzy tends to mess things up for everyone, but that's because of who he is. You know he doesn't mean any harm—um, yet, but he _is_ a Tasmanian devil."

He sighed, "Well, sure, but how am I going to make up the prom for you now?"

"J.A.M., look, I'm upset too, but don't let this ruin our night. We can still enjoy a formal dinner. And we can try the dance some other time, you know, perhaps during the next weekend, when you have more time to plan and get things ready." Her boyfriend rubbed his face, trying to relax. "Furrycoat, please, I know you tried your best, and if Dizzy hadn't shown up, I would have never wanted to leave the ballroom. You were as romantic as you could be. J.A.M.—" she suddenly stepped in front of him, "—I know it only lasted a little bit, but it was the best prom I've ever had, because _you_ were with me." She sighed. "And I love you for it. Please don't let it get you down." She kissed his furry lips lightly to make the point. He almost stepped back at that, but the feel of her sweet lips next to his own brought him back to his senses. He moved his whiskers back, leaned into the kiss, and placed his arm around her. His ears and tail finally relaxed again.

"You—you're right," he stuttered, slowly recovering, and resuming their walk. "Thanks for understanding, Mary. I hope tonight makes up for the rest." She smiled, and leaned her head on his shoulder as they continued.

"I hope Dizzy isn't planning a visit to the restaurant," sighed Mel.

"If I see him I'll chain him down if I have to!" grunted Anni. Teams Beth and Gimmel continued following the couple in the shadows.

The walk did calm the couple down. By the time they reached the restaurant, both had left the previous experience behind, for another day, and decided to enjoy their dinner. They walked into the vestibule, and the jaguar stepped up to the maitre'd.

The younger teams sneaked in with them.

The mammal behind the podium was a black marten-like male: a sable. His white tuxedo contrasted with his black fur, and for some reason, he had a red sash around his waist. The sash had a white maple leaf, declaring the male to be a Canadian. "Reservations for two, for 'The J.A.M.'," declared the panther. The maitre'd looked at the reservation list, and raised an eyebrow. "We're a bit early, I know," added the onça.

The sable shook his head, however. "I'm sorry, sir. It seems that the staff made an oversight and gave you reservations when we were already booked for tonight."

"…no…" was all that Anni could gasp as her ears fell beside her.

Ears flattened again, and a long tail swished and bristled like a hairbrush. "WHAT! Listen, I made the reservations on _Tuesday_!"

"We're terribly sorry, sir—"

Fangs flashed. "SORRY! DON'T YOU HAVE AN EMPTY TABLE AT ALL!"

Mary tried to cut in, "J.A.M., please—"

The sable lowered his own ears defensively. "Sorry, sir, we're at full capacity now." Mary covered her eyes and shook her head at the madness of it all. Then, she uncovered her eyes.

And gasped.

Her boyfriend's yellow fur was now blood red, as were his eyes. Glancing at his paws, she saw his claws fully extended. His fangs were bared to the gums.

"J.A.M., please Honey, don't make a scene!" she pleaded, trying to soothe him by holding his shoulders. Growling was all that came out of him now.

"HAVE YOU ANY IDEA," he pointed an extended claw at the sable, "WHAT WE'VE GONE THROUGH, JUST SO YOU CAN THROW THIS IN OUR _FACES_!"

The maitre'd began to sweat, and took one step back. "Sir, I have no control over the reservations. I'm sure a complaint to the manager will be much more appropria—" His explanation was cut off by a deeper growling from the larger predator, as well as by having his windpipe suddenly clamped shut by a powerful right paw. His eyes began swelling and threatened to pop out of his head, and his black fur began shifting into an interesting array of colours.

For a moment, Mary thought that The J.A.M. was going to do the "snooze button" trick on the sable, like he did to Fifi and Elmyra before. A quick glance at his paw indicated that he was _not_ squeezing two digits on the employee's throat.

His _full paw_ was clamped around it, and tendons rippled through the fur in his wrist.

He didn't want to make him sleep.

He wanted to _put_ _him_ _to_ _sleep_.

"J.A.M., NO!" cried the humanmaid, trying not to scream, and trying to pull down his arm. The jaguar was slowly lifting the struggling smaller predator by his throat, ready to fling him over his head and through the window—"Please, no! Put him down! It's not your fault! And it's not _his_ fault! Please, don't do anything you'll regret tomorrow!"

With a disgusted gruff, the felid released the mustelid, who fell rather hard on his tail, massaging the paw dents left in his tortured neck. Frowning at the panther, he jerked his head to the side to reset his neck with a loud pop.

"J.A.M., I know you're furious, but please, don't let it control you! When you do, you—you—" Anger now filled the humanmaid as well. "You—you're more of a turn-off than you already are!"

Silence.

Clasped mouth.

Dilated eyes.

Gasping.

Reckoning?

Slowly, he turned to her. "You—" he growled, "—I'm—I'm _normally_ a _turn-off_ to you?"

Quick, she had to think of something! "Yes—I mean—no! Look, I know you're a predator, but when you get angry like that, you lose what cuteness you have—"

"CUTE!" he spat. His fur remained blood red. "Mary, I know that's what you first thought of me, but—is that all that I _still_ am to you? Is that what you _still_ think of me? A pet?" The African-American could say nothing. Her feelings became more and more confused at this development.

She couldn't even cry.

"I'm not a human, but I know that when it comes to relationships, there is more than just looks or scent. All this time, I thought you loved me because you considered me to be something _much_ deeper than 'cute'. And you _know_ there was much more to me than what you could see. So if after all this time together, after all I revealed to you, you _still_ consider me 'cute' and nothing more---" His claws remained extended, and his fangs remained exposed. "Then—then I think—you need to think about what you want, and what you need. I don't have any problems being a pet, if it's with a good friend, but I thought our relationship was much more than that. If I misread or misunderstood anything you said or did that made me think that, when you really didn't want anything deeper all this time, well—I guess it's my fault again, and I ask for forgiveness for that."

She couldn't speak. What was it that she _truly_ felt for him? Did she want him for a pet? A boyfriend? A bodyguard? A good friend? Or any combination of those?

Still with blood red fur, the panther pulled out his cell phone, and dialled a number. Moments later, he stated, "Yes, I'd like a taxi for Mary Melody—" He gave them the address while she continued to crumble. He was calling her a cab? He was leaving her?

Would she be left alone again?

Was that her purpose in life? To be an outcast?

The J.A.M. looked at her one last time, sighed gruffly, and stomped outside, shoving the door out of his way.

Mary's dark brown skin turned as pale as it could.

No! She couldn't lose him now!

She dashed outside, hoping he didn't warp the moment he exited.

Inside, Montana was sitting with one "Elmyra". From where she was sitting, she could see what was happening at the vestibule, and when she saw the couple leave, she said, "Monty-wonty, could you excuse me a moment? I need to step outside for a little bit."

"Sure, Toots," he replied, while eating his filet mignon. The redhead quickly walked out of the restaurant as well, but hid behind a wall as soon as she was outside.


	12. Teshah: Who Is The Real TurnOff?

TESHAH - WHO IS THE REAL TURN-OFF? 

Mary sighed with relief when she saw him standing at the edge of the sidewalk and facing the street. Quickly, she walked toward him, but suddenly fell back and clamped her hands on her ears when the panther reared his head and roared to the sky as he had never roared before.

Mary uncovered her ears after he finished. Looking at him, he saw that his fur was returning to its normal colour, but his ears remained flat, his whiskers pointed to the ground, and his tail still twitched angrily. He then turned to his left, and saw some headlights in the extreme distance. His feline vision identified the vehicle as a taxi.

Teams Beth and Gimmel were about to interfere but held back when they saw the redhead sneak outside, and observe the events as well.

Without looking at her, The J.A.M. told her, "I told you before, I'm not 'any guy', so I won't leave you here without making sure you get home okay." He reached into his body pocket, and pulled out some money. He half-turned, grabbed her hand, and stuffed the money in it. "I ask for forgiveness, Miss Melody. It was a mistake on my part for reading more into this relationship than what you had planned. You—you deserve better." With that, the jaguar stomped off toward the approaching car, leaving the humanmaid alone.

"Wait!" she yelled, suddenly running after him. "I didn't mean that you were _always_ a turn-off—not a total one, at least!" She didn't know what she was saying now; she only knew that she couldn't lose him this way.

"Its okay," he replied, not even turning to see her. "I understand. I understand _completely_. I've ALWAYS understood! I've understood since the first grade!" The taxi's headlights increased in brightness as The J.A.M. prepared to vanish from her life for good. This night had _definitely_ been a disaster for both of them. A disaster, and a sad way to realise that everything they had gone through had been a waste of time.

Mary ran as fast as her shoes allowed, splashing occasionally on some puddles. He had told her before that he never considered himself good looking, much less "cute", but—but—had _she_?

Had _she_ ever thought similarly?

About _herself_?

"And you think I didn't!"

The jaguar stopped. He still didn't turn around. But he knew what he had seen, and he knew the truth. "From what you've shown me, you've ALWAYS been beautiful! And anyone who thought differently was dead wrong!" Looking carefully in front of him, he spotted a pattern among the shadows that he could follow in total invisibility. Plenty of shadows at night.

Prepare to warp.

"The same goes to YOU!" she cried, finally shedding tears.

Unfortunately, he chose to ignore that last comment, assuming she had said it out of desperation. No one had ever meant it when it came to him. And she just needed new contact lenses to see the truth, for he had seen _and_ heard plenty of things which proved otherwise.

He sighed.

Perhaps, that was _his_ lot in life.

"J.A.M., wait!" she trotted after him. "I went through rejection too! I've been turned down from episodes _and_ relationships as well! So don't you think **_I_** would know what a turn-off actually is?"

"Well, _I_ know what one is! I've ALWAYS known!" replied the panther, still not turning back. He could have warped away at that moment, but he didn't want to be rude again. He would finish this conversation, and then let her pursue others whom he knew would always be better than him.

"J.A.M., you're _not_ a turn-off! I—**_I_** am! I just turned you off, didn't I?" Something, anything to keep him from leaving her—

Jeez, clean your contacts, will ya?

He growled, "I _know_ what I am! And I also know you're NOT! You're everything BUT a turn-off!" For a moment, the humanmaid felt like she was in the clouds. Could it be that she had been wrong about herself all this time as well? He actually found her cute, attractive—beautiful? And could it be that _he_ was wrong about himself too?

He bent his legs a trifle, and lowered his torso.

Energise warp.

He continued, "Anyone who cut you down was either selfish or jealous of your looks and personality! You're an incredible person, but unfortunately, you _also_ have an opinion which ALL toons have about me. And after careful analysis, I've realised that—that—it's—it's true—It has always been true—" He sighed, aiming for a very dark shadow. "I'm sorry I wasted your time. Just forget that tonight ever happened—and—and—just forget—that I exist. It's quite easy, really. Just ask anytoon. I guess _I_ would forget my own existence if it wasn't for my family."

No.

She stood behind him, ready to grab his tail, lest he disappear forever. "But I don't _want_ to forget tonight! I don't WANT to forget YOU!"

"And why-pray-tell-not?" he growled. "Though the disasters weren't my fault, they made us _both_ realise what this relationship was _really_ about! And—and—I can't let you go on like that. You need more. You deserve more. I would love to give it to you—but it's clear now—that I can't shake off this opinion everyone—including you—has about me. Still, I wanna thank you."

Thank?

"Thank you for giving me a chance, even though it didn't work out. Thank you for keeping my secrets. Thank you for showing me around the Looniversity. Thank you for standing up for me. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for giving me a second chance, and coming with me tonight. Thank you—for loving me as best as you could. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for saving my life, and my hide. Thank you—————for everything. I'll miss you terribly, and I'll never forget you." He tensed his leg muscles to spring into oblivion.

Warp is ready.

"Until next—um—sorry. I don't think there can be a next time—rememb—no, sorry. You—you don't need to remember, Miss Melody. I was wrong. I was wrong about everything."

"…J…" sighed Anni.

She had nothing left to say.

She was going to be left all alone.

He waited a moment, waiting for her to try to stop him.

Please, Mary, stop me.

Hold me back.

Say something.

_Do_ something!

But she didn't.

She couldn't.

Reading her silence as an agreement to what he said, he finished, "I AM THE J.A.M. _Good_—" his voice cracked for a moment, as his inner self did. "—eve—good night, Miss Melody."

(WARPUNWARPWARP!)

(WA—THUD!)

Mary gasped and blinked. She wasn't sure what happened before her, but just as The J.A.M. took his first warping step, he slipped on a banana peel that neither noticed before. It was so sudden that his instincts didn't have time to flip him over so he could land on his foot-paws. Instead, he landed hard on his right side with a painful thud, splashing on a small sheet of water.

He roared again.

This time, however, she could tell that the roar wasn't filled just with anger, but a long "yowl" was in the roar as well, indicating a cry of extreme pain.

Anni returned with her brothers and sisters.

"(CENSORED), what the (CENSORED) did you think you were doing! Someone might have seen you!" grunted Bekki, ears stiff behind her.

The blue doe turned to her sister and grunted back, also with angry ears, "I'm trying to save J, Pottymouth! Why aren't _any_ of you doing that!"

A white-gloved lavender paw lowered on her shoulder. Anni looked up at her oldest brother, and he said, "Anni, I'm sorry."

Junior wasn't looking at her.

Anni looked ahead, and saw the scene.

Wincing, the jaguar rolled onto all fours, with water slowly dripping from his right side. Gently, he tried to stand, but stinging pain burst from his right ankle, right knee, and right hip.

Mary just stood behind him, wincing along with him, and wondering why he didn't land on his foot-paws, as well as why he didn't get up as quickly as Calamity normally did after an encounter with a banana peel. She saw that he was barely standing straight now, and leaning on a lamppost. His tuxedo jacket was stained with rainwater, and his headfur was matted somewhat on the right side. Along his face and leg, his fur was out of place, as if someone had petted him the wrong way. His right leg was pulled up somewhat, and he was trying to set it down, but he kept wincing as he moved it, as if he was trying to step inside a tub of hot water.

Mary, please, show that you still care…

The panther gave her one last glance.

"I guess—I guess I'll walk home toNIGHT—" He was cut off by another shot of pain.

"J-J.A.M.? What happened?"

He sighed.

Too little, too late.

Carefully, he extended his right leg, and slowly rotated his hip. A resounding POP echoed down the street, sending shivers down human and lagomorph spines, and making the feline stiffen and gasp. After the pain subsided somewhat, he spoke with some effort, "That's one of the reasons why I hate team sports: my trick hip, trick knee, and trick ankle." He panted in defeat.

Tired, so very tired.

Slowly, he turned away from her, and limped away.

And the only thing Mary could do was return the question he asked her this afternoon. "J.A.M., do you need help in getting home?" Why couldn't she say anything else? Could it be possible that she _didn't_ feel anything else for him?

"It's okay, I'll just get my bike at the Looniversity, so don't worry about me. You—you don't have to worry about me again." He looked ahead once more. Odd, that taxi was gone now—no, here it came again. For a while, Mary slowly followed him, wondering if he really _was_ going to walk all the way back to the Looniversity with a sprained hip, ankle and knee.

She wanted to hold him, comfort him, dress his wounds, make sure he got home okay—

And her thoughts suddenly smashed to a halt.

_That's ­­**exactly** what she had felt about Furrball before!_

Yes, whenever Elmyra ever got hold of him and she put him through more torture than normal, Mary was there to help him—

Is this what she had felt about The J.A.M. all this time?

Was he really just a cute pet to her, albeit a talking one, and one that could give her a good time on dates like these?

Had _she_ read too much into this relationship too?

Her arms went limp.

She bowed her head.

She wept.

All of this _had really been_ a waste of time.

And now, despite her academic progress, she knew she had nothing left at the Looniversity. Tomorrow, she would start the transfer process, as she knew The J.A.M. would, too. That place had too many memories now. Even this town had too many memories. She wasn't sure where she would go now, but she was certain that the panther would return to Mexico City.

The distance between the two slowly continued to increase.

It was all over.

Anni's ears fell beside her with fear. Her broken heart was lodged in her throat. She suddenly turned to Junior, who was holding a picture, and fearfully looked at it.

A large empty field.

The sudden emptiness within her was nearly unbearable.

Meanwhile, just one block away, hiding behind the corner, the Caucasian humanmaid smiled when she saw the taxi pull into the street in the distance, and the couple arguing their last. She hadn't counted on the banana peel, but now it seemed as if everything came out just perfect. Feeling satisfied, she turned—

—and was face to face with herself.

Elmyra was out of breath, and sweating profusely due to the high humidity. Despite not being too sharp, she had seen herself in the mirror plenty of times to know who she was.

And now, there was another one of her in front of her.

"Who—" she gasped, "—who are _you_?"

Once again, Dakota paled. Quickly, she recovered and replied, "I'm—I'm—a figment of your imagination! You're dreaming all this! There's no way there could ever be two of you!"

Elmyra pondered on this and replied, "Ohhhhh—so I'm sleeping, then?"

Dakota smiled. "Yup. In fact, this part of the dream is about to get weirder. You're going to see lots of Elmyras running around!"

"Really?"

(WHAM!)

"Yes, really," frowned Dakota, pulling away her larger-than-normal mallet.

Elmyra teetered for a moment, watching miniature copies of herself skipping around her head. "Ooooooooh, you were right!" she mumbled, before giving in to unconsciousness and collapsing on the sidewalk. Her wig shifted a trifle due to the blow, and it just half-covered her skull now.

The first redhead looked down at the unconscious faux red head, and murmured, "Pathetic. I'm glad I didn't get my hair and intelligence from her!"

Tex lowered one ear. "Guys? I think we just identified Dakota Dee."

With her cover blown, Dakota knew that her stay here was forfeited. So, she moved away from the corner so Mary wouldn't see her, pulled out a small spray can labelled "Acme Hair Dye Remover", leaned over, and sprayed its contents on her hair. One minute later, there was red dye slowly mixing with rainwater and floating toward the nearest drain. Dakota shook her head to remove the excess, and straightened up. After she stuffed the can back into her pocket, she pulled out a pistol-shaped device labelled "Acme Battery Powered Hair Dryer. Now Noiseless!" and began removing all superfluous moisture from her head without making a sound. As she reset her hair colour, she had to suppress a chuckle. The Internet technology was so primitive that tracking the reservations and altering them was a cinch. With her hair dry now, she put away the drier.

Her hair's true colour was a rich mahogany brown.

Manipulating her father was incredibly easy. Subtly giving him hints and passing notes to him, she made him think that bribing a hotel employee to shut off the electricity, giving Dizzy a cell phone and then calling him to the hotel, and bribing the restaurant staff were _his_ ideas. Ha! He still had much to learn. Dakota looked around the corner at the broken couple in front of her, and chuckled softly again. She pulled out a note from her pocket, and read,

Acme Looniversity

cordially invites

THE J.A.M.

to its yearly Prom this Friday night at 7:30 p.m.…

Heh, swiping the invitation from under the faculty's noses was one of her best feats yet! And with the panther being so clueless about everything, he never noticed he didn't get one. Stifling her snickering, she crumpled up the invitation and threw it to a storm drain, where it was swallowed up and never seen again.

Removing the posters was so easy it was downright hilarious. In fact, they weren't even removed and thrown away, which would have raised suspicions, but simply changed of position. And the "stars" played right into her hand. With them staying away from the "bit players", not one word was mentioned to The J.A.M. about the prom. Those pathetic fools! Tampering with the cell phones and the conventional phone lines was like a hot knife through butter. Editing the dictionary to remove all references to proms was no harder than using a word processor. The only thing that was very cumbersome was bribing the video store manager and making him think that she wanted to play a practical joke on a "friend" of hers, and thus setting up the phoney contest. The merchandise was legitimate, of course, not to mention very expensive.

Was the investment worth it?

She pulled out a picture from her pocket again.

It was of a vast field, with no structures of any kind in it.

Oh yes.

Success.

She had succeeded where no other villain had. For one moment, she thought her plans had been futile when she saw the jaguar serenading Mary, but keeping track of them led her to ensure her victory. That night she had to learn to type with only one hand, though, but it was a minor setback. She had defeated her nemeses, _and_ her parents' nemeses, and now the Looniversity property was hers for the taking; perfect for the plans she had in mind. Though no one would know what she did here—lest someone try to come back and stop her, and thus there would be no gloating with her fellow villains, either—the feeling of victory and success would stay with her for a long time to come. Her gloating would be private, and in time, she would reveal this scheme to only her most trusted ally, whoever it might turn out to be.

But the one thing that stood apart in all of this, the one thing that was accomplished, and if it had been the _only_ thing she had accomplished on this mission she would have been satisfied with it, was that that annoying goody-two-shoes jaguar was out of her life for good.

Proudly, she stuffed the picture back in her pocket, and knelt next to the fallen Elmyra. She pulled a cell phone from Elmyra's skirt pocket, pressed a speed-dial combination, and waited as the other phone rang twice.

"What?"

"Oh, Monty-wonty, I'm feeling a little sleepy right now. Could you pick me up? I'm three blocks east from the restaurant."

The other side was silent for a moment, and then she heard, "Um, Toots? Are you feeling well? You haven't been yourself for—well—the past month, it seems."

"Oh, don't worry, Monty-wonty. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be all better!"

"Yeah, whatever. I'm on my way."

Satisfied, Dakota hung up, and grinned, "Thanks, Dad." She returned the cell phone to Elmyra's pocket, and quipped, "Thanks, Mom." Quickly, she stood and ran to a nearby alley, and disappeared in the darkness. Moments later, a blue flash exploded from the depths of the alley, accompanied by what sounded like a hundred people saying "waaaaaaaaarrrrpp!", and then just as quickly, both the sound and the light faded away.

Dakota Dee Duff Maximilian had won.

"NOOO!" shrieked Anni.

Junior frowned. And then, he stiffened. "There might be one last chance, now that Dakota's gone! Come on, Alexi!" He grabbed his sister's paw, and (WARPWARP!) disappeared.

The J.A.M. continued to painfully limp away. He looked up and wondered why the taxi was taking so long. He then realised that it was not the one he called for, because in the distance it stopped, picked up two passengers, did a u-turn, and drove off. Well, he could still walk slowly, and Mary's taxi would pick her up and take her away long before he even left this street.

Mary was struggling within herself, trying to find any other feelings she might have had for him, besides that of an interesting pet.

(UNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARP!)

Suddenly, the remaining lagomorphs returned to the visual spectrum, even though neither Mary nor The J.A.M. were looking at them.

"What—what happened?" winced Chuck. He tried to hide again (…waaaaa…) but he couldn't.

June suddenly cried, "Oh no, no! We're forgetting everything we learned!"

At this, Anni fell to her knees, clutching her head, "No! NO! I won't forget! I won't forget J! I'll never forget J! I love you, J, now and always! J—J—" She continued whimpering to herself, in an agonising heartache, as her memories slowly began to fade into oblivion one by one. No set of ears pointed at the sky anymore

Mary's tears were slowly ceasing. She couldn't think of anything. She might as well send him off. "J.A.M., Furrycoat?"

"Yes, Miss Melody?" he replied, still limping away.

The humanmaid winced at his returned formality. He had _truly_ let her go. "J.A.M., I suppose this is pointless now," she began, slowly walking behind him. "But, do you remember, back at the hospital, when we agreed to _begin_ falling in love, and then take things slow?"

"Yes."

"Well, I guess things didn't work out, but before you leave, I just—I just want to thank you too—for being with me all this time. Thank you for considering me, and for not treating me like an outcast. Thank you for giving us the push it took to finally break off from the 'stars'. Thank you for showing me The Way, and for letting me know your name. Thank you for being there in my games. Thank you for respecting me, and for looking past the ink and paint. Thank you for the songs: you sing very well. Thank you for teaming up with me in Platonic Partners. Thank you for trying again, because you proved that you really _did_ love me. Thank you for tonight. Thank you for being my—well, my 'pet', I guess. I'll never have another one like you—"

And it was here where she suddenly saw the light.

Literally, because a lamppost suddenly flickered to life right above her.

"And—and—" she smiled and cried again, hurrying to find the right words as her feelings suddenly gushed from her heart. "Thank you—for being MORE than a pet!"

The onça stopped.

More?

"J.A.M., I just realised that—that—yes, you were, in some ways, like Furrball. But with all that I just mentioned, I realised that you were indeed more than that. Furrball was there for me for as long as he could, and he might have shown up for some of my games, but he never shared anything deep with me. He licked my face, but he never _kissed_ me. He never tried to give me a push into the spotlight. He never sang to me. He never told me he loved me. J.A.M., I don't know if I've been taking things _too_ slowly, so I guess I took for granted everything you've done and felt for me."

The panther still didn't move. "Well, you know I did that because that's how I feel for you, Mary. But is that how _you_ feel for me? Is there _more_ to me than just being an extraordinary pet?"

She sighed, and smiled, her tears flowing freely. "Well, let me tell you this: Furrball has slept in my room, but I've never felt like kissing him, ever. I've never waited eagerly for him at the doors of the Looniversity. I've never felt good just by holding his paw, skating beside him, or hearing his voice, when he occasionally spoke. I've never felt like I was going to cry for the rest of my life for him if he had been drugged and deported to Mexico. So, yes, J.A.M., you've been an extraordinary pet, and much more. You've been my _boyfriend_, whom I love more than myself, despite your mistakes. I could never say that about Furrball. True, you've never come running whenever I rattled a box of cat food—uh, come to think of it, neither did Furrball—but I don't think that's important now."

He slowly turned toward her. "But what about me being a turn-off? Didn't my appearance and instinctive reactions turn you off tonight?"

The African-American took a deep breath, and replied, "J.A.M., Honey, I guess—I guess _everyone_ has things about themselves that would turn _anyone_ off. Yes, you did things tonight that I didn't like, but you saw that I also get angry and yell a lot. There are _things_ that toons _do_ that are turn-offs, but—_you_ are not a turn-off. You never _have been_. In fact, you're just the opposite! You triggered feelings within me—that—————Furrball never did———um———well—you—made me realise—that I—um—" she blushed, "—_want_ you—and I'd never get over a broken heart if you left—and—" She couldn't but think she was being "easy" by what she wanted to say, but she needed to say it: "—and—Furrball may be cute, but you're _more_ than cute—I think—I think you're handsome—and—I think—" There it was again, the incident at Winnie Burgers, when Fifi skunked him and he was forced to remove his shirt. No one noticed that, no one but her, and now she knew why: "—I think you're _sexy_."

The jaguar blinked at her, and raised his ears. He looked at the humanmaid long and hard, wondering if he heard right. And once he realised that she had indeed said that last word, his jaw fell to the sidewalk with a resounding CLANG, splashing a trifle on the wet sidewalk.

Again, he cranked it back up by using his tail. Once it was back in place, he asked incredulously, "You—think—I'm—WHAT?"

She took a deep breath again, blushing. "Sexy," she repeated. "Physically attractive and—desirable, too. Neither Furrball, nor any male, has anything on you."

The feline looked at her.

This was unreal.

"I need you, J.A.M. Please don't leave me."

Sexy?

Physically desirable?

**_Him?_**

Since he had never been complimented like that in his life, his blushing reflex was not even called upon. "You do?" was all he could ask, lest his jaw fall again.

Mary nodded, smiling.

"But—but—why?"

For a moment, she wanted to slap him silly because he could not see what she saw. "See all of the above, babe. Everything I realised I knew about you—makes me—um—_want_ you. And I'm sure that you've felt the exact same way about me for a while, haven't you?"

The felid pondered for a moment, and poured out his heart as well, "Mary, I've never met anyone like you. And believe it or not, you scared me at first too because I thought I might actually _like_ you and I would tell you about it and you would politely shake my paw and say 'no, thank you', and just ignore me and/or avoid me, as many furry toons have ignored and avoided me before. When you let me know you better, I saw just how sexy _you_ were. And—and you're _much_ more than that. Your skin is beautiful. Your scent is perfect. Your eyes are perfect. Your teeth are perfect. Everything's perfect about you, even your fingers. I have trouble keeping my paws down when I'm next to you. If there is any imperfection, whoever found it blew it up to unreal proportions. And all the males here lost the pick of the litter when they overlooked you."

She was blushing furiously now. "So, J.A.M., I think you just answered my question. I, too, was scared of you at first because you looked tough and I thought you were a mean toon. And I also got scared when I began liking you. But then—I saw you smile. I heard you laugh. I found out how you cared so much about your friends and family. And then—I noticed other things when I got closer. I—I _love_ the way your fur locks bounce off your shoulders. Your eyes are the best shade of orange on the planet. Your voice is so deep and commanding. And I love the way your fangs stand out from the rest of your teeth. Your fur, your eyes, your—um—everything about you, make you the most handsome jaguar—the most handsome _male_—I've ever seen. You think YOU have a hard time keeping your paws down? Honey, I've wanted to scratch more than your ears and chin, you know! You're very strong too—and—and—you have a great pair of legs."

This was insane.

Slowly, the jaguar's black spots began turning red.

"J.A.M., as difficult as it is for you to believe so, **_I_** don't agree with the other 99.999999 of toons who told you otherwise about yourself. _I_ don't think like the others. I'm not 'any toon', either. I—I love you."

A warm smile appeared on his face, his whiskers straightened, and his tail smoothed over. "Then—**_I_** must say that I also don't agree with the other 99.999999 of toons who told you otherwise about yourself—I love you, Mary Melody. And you have—um, a great looking bipedal assembly as well."

She then stepped up to him and took his paw. Both were smiling. "What about the other girls on the basketball team?"

"They've got nothing on you, either," he replied quickly.

She became lost in his orange eyes for a moment, and then realised something, "Um, Furrycoat, we've beaten this and stayed together, but I _am_ scared of what lies ahead. Do you think we'll be able to handle any more roadblocks?"

He tilted his head, raised an eyebrow, thought for a moment, and replied, "I think we'll manage." They moved their faces closer and—

"Hey, anyone of you toons call a cab?"

They both turned to the taxi, which had FINALLY arrived. Both said nothing for a moment, and then the jaguar replied, "Not here. We're going to take a long walk." The cab driver shrugged and the car pulled away, turning left at the next corner. Two toons then walked/limped paw in hand down the night lit streets, knowing that both were going to be okay.

The rabbits carefully followed them, still fearing the worst, as they listened to the conversation. Behind them, a limousine pulled up, a butler stepped out and picked up a fallen redhead, put her inside, and took her home.

Had they undone Dakota's work?

"Are you sure you can walk, Furrycoat?" she asked, now worried about his limping.

"I've been in worse situations."

"Well, not tonight, you won't!" she huffed. She stood on his right, placed his arm around her, and supported him as best as she could. "The Looniversity's not far from here, but are you sure you can pedal home with that leg?"

He shrugged, "Hey, like I said, I've been in worse situations."

"Oh really? Well, Snookums, tonight, _I'M_ pedalling you home!"

"But Cygmon isn't a tandem bike and I'd still have to stand on the foot-paw rests—uh, you're not going to make me do my impression of an exotic rug again?"

"Don't give me ideas."

His black spots turned a little grey. "Hey, I'm just pointing things out. And if you take the bike to my lair and drop me off, how will you find your way back, even with the bike?"

"I'll take up your offer now on that GPS. It's either that, or you can do your exotic rug impression for me in my apartment."

He blushed again. "Um, thanks for the alternative, Panterita. Your parents are home, right?"

"You're welcome, and yes, they are. Say, is your other leg working fine?"

"Well, yes it is. Why?"

She poked his side.

With a loud "eep", the feline suddenly found himself hanging upside down from a streetlight. His fur was ruffled, his breathing was rapid, his eyes were dilated, and his tail was impersonating a chimney brush again.

But he was smiling down at her, nonetheless. "Just wait till I get down from here."

Both laughed.

The rabbits continued to watch, (UNWARPUNWARP!) and jumped when Junior and Alexi suddenly appeared in front of them.

"Hey, how did you do that?" winced Chuck. "I thought everyone forgot how to warp!"

"Well, it looks like we remembered again," replied Alexi. "By the way, Junior, nice job impersonating a cab driver!"

"Thanks. I knew all those lessons from mom would come in handy one day—though I hope that the real driver's headache won't be too bad when he wakes up."

Anni suddenly bounded up to her big brother, grabbed his shirt, and cried, "YOU delayed the cab?" The buck nodded. "THANK YOU!" With uncharacteristic affection from her part, the blue doe hugged the buck _very_ tightly in gratitude and shuddered with happiness.

"Buuuuuut did it wooork?" asked Buck, nose twitching.

With a bit of effort, Junior pulled one arm free from his sister's embrace, and pulled out his picture of the Looniversity again. The building was there, in all its glorious shiny colours once more. "We did it, teams! We won!" The Fourteen sighed with joy and relief, and few cheered exhaustedly. There were shivers, straightened ears, and even mild tooth grinding, all rabbit forms of happiness. Junior continued, "Dakota is already home, most probably fuming over how her plans didn't work. Chuck, get everything ready and make sure you get us all back at the exact moment we left so she won't suspect!"

"You got it!" Chuck pulled out an orange device from his pocket that resembled a large remote control. He began pressing buttons on it, and as he did, the other leporids watched the couple talking. However, Anni released her brother, padded aside a trifle, and took out a picture of her own, still with her ears sideways with residual fright. Shotsy, noticing this, padded behind her, leaned over her shoulder, and saw that the photo was one _she_ took. The photo showed Anni and a male black panther cub standing on her left. The young carnivore wore an oversize white t-shirt that proclaimed "Made in U.S.A.", and both had their arms around their shoulders.

The older doe then noticed that her younger sister was shaking just a trifle, and her eyes were glistening. "Looks like J is safe and sound as well," the red doe told the blue one. She then looked back at Mary and The J.A.M. and pondered, "Amazing, isn't it? This one couple held the future of Acme Looniversity in their hands and paws and didn't know it. It seems that the 'bit players' are everything _but_, don't you think, Anni?"

The blue doe said nothing. Instead, she clutched the picture to her heart and ground her teeth.

Shotsy pulled out her make-up case and redid her lip gloss as she continued pondering, "You _do_ have to admit that Dakota did her homework. The couples nobody noticed or cared about practically held the entire social structure together. And now that Mary and The J.A.M. stay together in spite of the horror they went through, both stay in the Looniversity. Mary _doesn't_ leave for a serious anchorwoman job, The J.A.M. _doesn't_ return to Mexico City, _no_ toon takes sides or transfers with them, Sneezer and Sweetie _don't_ take sides or split up, either, the 'bit players' _don't_ disband, Shirley _doesn't_ shift completely to the dark side in order to get rid of the 'freaks' in their moment of weakness, Plucky _doesn't_ join her in the dark side to help her do that, the other 'star' couples _don't_ side against the water fowl, the rest of the Tiny Toons _don't_ try to fill the gaps of the 'supporting' characters, a riot _doesn't_ take place, Montana _doesn't_ move in for the kill with everyone against each other, Acme Looniversity does _not_ collapse in a fire, Mom and Dad do _not_ divorce due to all the angst they experienced, and all _our_ friends do _not_ disappear from the plane of existence, isn't that great?"

The blue doe's only response was a trembling lower lip and a soft tooth grind. But she would _not_ release her feelings. Not in front of everyone.

Hunni, eating her chocolate-covered carrot chips, padded beside her and said, "Anni, crying is _not_ a sign of weakness. No one will say anything if you cry for joy now that your boyfriend is safe."

The blue doe suddenly whirled to face the fat doe and grunted, "I'll cry in my own good time, thank you very much!"

Behind her, June shrugged, "Have it your way, then. But I _still_ don't know why on _earth_ you chose him for a boyfriend. He's not even cute, and trust me, I _know_ cute when I see it!"

Anni was one attosecond away from tears, evidenced by her sniffling. She turned to the brown doe and hissed, "Well excuse ME for not conforming to your 'ideals' of cute! I'll have you know that J is the ONLY one who's _ever_ beaten me in chess, backgammon, Judo, karate, and kickboxing! He's the only one who stood his ground when I tried to push him around! He's the only one who never cringed whenever I threatened him! _None_ of our predator friends has ever stood up to me except him!" She turned away from the rest, and looked at the stars amidst the parting clouds, ears slowly straightening. "He taught me—taught _us_—how to warp. He's the only one whom _I_ have ever feared, at first. Now I'd gladly give my life for him—" Suddenly she whirled toward Junior and stiffened her ears back, "—and we would have finished this mission sooner if we had brought Team Daleth and Team Heh!"

At that, Alexi said, "Um, Anni? Team Daleth is in kindergarten, and Team Heh is still in diapers."

"I don't care," she sobbed. "We could have used more help." Anni turned and saw the green buck with his arms crossed, ears fully down, grinding his teeth VERY loudly, and looking away very forlorn. She scowled at him, "And speaking of couples, Tex, are you _still_ going to proclaim to the world that you're _still_ in love with Dakota Dee Duff Maximilian, after all she did and tried to do! After she tried to kill J!"

The green buck looked at his sister, then at the couple. The panther released the lamppost, fell, stopped in mid-air five centimetres above the sidewalk with a light tire screech sound, flipped 180 degrees, and landed softly on his foot-paws. Mary then placed his right arm over her shoulder again, and they walked/limped away. As they left, he, too, looked at the night sky. "When Dee arrives, she'll see that all her plans amounted to nothing. She'll know then that you can't destroy true love. If _that_ doesn't make her accept the truth and see the light—" He trailed off, his heart pained like never before, not even when he found out about his "girlfriend's" plan.

"Then you'll finally kick her (CENSORED) out of your life?" asked Bekki.

"NO!" he grunted, nearly in tears as well. "If Dee still stays in the dark side, I myself will confront her. If she still refuses, then—and only then, I will let her go. But not one second sooner. You all may have given up hope on her ages ago, but not me. _That_, my dear brothers and sisters, is _also_ true love!"

Junior padded up and put an arm around him. "We admire your faith, Tex. And thank God you still have it, because if you had left Dakota when we begged you to, you would have never heard of her plan. Thanks for the tip, by the way." Tex ground his teeth loudly and lowered his head. "So go ahead and stay with her. I'm not asking you to be our informant, but if she plans anything else, I'm glad that you'll be the first to know."

"I doubt she will try anything after this. This trip was _very_ expensive, even for her." And the green buck said no more.

The Fourteen then padded away from the scene, and headed back to their camp. As they did, Junior noticed Buster Bunny and Babs Bunny, no relation, padding together some distance away, apparently on a date themselves. He smiled and titled his ears at them, and said,

"So long, Mom and Dad. See you in a little bit." With that, the fourteen lagomorphs left Acme Acres.

Later that night, anyone who might have still been awake in Acme Acres would have seen a faint and brief blue glow in the distance. And if they had good ears, they would have barely heard a very faint "…waaaaaaaaarrrp…" as well.


	13. Epilogue: We're Living In A World Of Foo

EPILOGUE - WE'RE LIVING IN A WORLD OF FOOLS

The entertainment room was dimly lit. A soft blue light provided the ambient, and the red and green lights from the equipment displays shone in the background like distant stars. The floor was perfectly level and polished, specially prepared for the occasion. There was a small banner on one wall that proclaimed:

PROM/HOMECOMING DANCE—RE-REPRISE

On one corner of the room, Calamity supervised the music controls, and pressed RECORD on a DVD camcorder, which pointed to the centre of the room.

In the centre of the room stood Mary Melody, who was wearing a strapless white dress that reached to her knees. And for once, her hair was down.

And in front of her, wearing a white tuxedo with a white bowtie, stood The J.A.M. In contrast to his girlfriend, his furlocks were tied in a short ponytail behind his head. His ears were perked up, and his tail twitched with nervousness.

Mary contemplated him and admired how he FINALLY didn't wear oversize clothes that hid his somewhat bulky figure, though she had no problems with what was adorned in front of her. To her, he looked—he looked—

"I look totally ridiculous, don't I?" he asked.

Snapping out of her admiration, she asked in slight shock, "Who told you that you look ridiculous? Beeper?"

"No. I heard it from a jaguar I saw in the mirror just now."

Mary sighed and smiled. "J.A.M., you _don't_ look ridiculous. You've never looked as great as you do now."

"I do? Wow, maybe I shouldn't hate formal clothes so much then. But as for you, Panterita, you look like a piece of Heaven. Oh, and that's 'Heaven' with a capital letter."

The humanmaid chuckled and blushed at the compliment. "Thank you, Furrycoat. I know that's why you call me 'Cielo'. Now, are you ready?"

He sighed nervously, "Let's just hope I don't make us fall on our tails—I mean, my tail and your—uh—" His black spots suddenly turned red as she blushed too and chuckled at his nervousness. "Um, forget I said that. Take two! Ahem: let's just hope _I don't make us fall, period._ Is that okay?"

She just looked into his orange eyes, "It's perfect." The couple then turned to Calamity, and nodded. He smiled, and pressed a button on a console.

From the speakers in the upper corners, a soft organ began a slow song.

The felid bowed to the hominid and asked, "May I have this dance?"

"Yes, you may," she replied, and rolled close to him, and he rolled too—

—because _both_ were wearing white roller blades.

He held her right hand with his left paw, and placed his right paw on her left hip. He blushed momentarily, but then suddenly flinched when Mary's hand touched his right side. She giggled again and _very_ carefully placed her hand in position again, trying her best not to tickle him. Calming down, they readied themselves.

The performers began,

"_Hahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_…" Smoothly, the couple began skating together, and in rhythm to the slow beat.

"_I know your eyes in the morning sun._

_I feel you touch me in the pouring rain._

_And the moment that you wander far from me_

_I wanna feel you in my arms again."_ They circled each other, and rolled to one side of the room.

"_And you come to me—!_

_On a summer breeze—!"_ He moved behind her, placed his right paw on her shoulder, and extended her right hand in front of her with his left paw. The two then glided forward in unison.

Mary quipped, "You know, all that's missing here is that spinning mirror ball."

Both looked at each other, and five seconds later said, "Eeeeewww!" and laughed.

"_Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave._

_And it's me you need to show:"_

"_How deep is your love—how deep is your love, how deep is your love."_ The onça then held her right hand and gently swung her forward.

"_I really mean to learn."_ She stretched out, and he spun her around him in a wider and wider arc.

"'_Cause we're living in a world of fools_

_Breaking us down_

_When they all should let us be."_ The humanmaid was nearly horizontal when the panther pulled her up again and brought her face to face.

"_We belong to you and me—"_

"_I believe in you."_ The slow dance continued; their gaze lost in each other's eyes.

"_You know the door to my very soul._

_You're the light in my deepest, darkest hour."_

Mary commented, "Well, you may not dance very well, but I must say, you skate divinely. You certainly know how to lead."

"_You're my (helper) when I fall."_

The J.A.M. looked at her quizzically. "I thought _you_ were leading—"

Looking at each other with confusion momentarily, they laughed and continued to roll though the room.

"_And you may not think—!_

_That I care for you—!_

_When you know down inside that I really do._

_And it's me you need to show:"_ The lights shifted colours, making their attire change colour as well.

"_How deep is your love—how deep is your love, how deep is your love"_

"_Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh…" _

"_I really mean to learn._

'_Cause we're living in a world of fools_

_Breaking us down_

_When they all should let us be._

_We belong to you and me."_ Spinning around each other, they also rolled around the perimeter of the room.

"_Na na-na na-na."_ For some reason, the jaguar suppressed a minor laugh. His girlfriend caught that, however.

"What's so funny?" she asked, smiling.

"_Na-na na-na na na na na na."_ He really loved that smile.

"Well, it's just that I remembered something my dad said. He said that whenever a songwriter gets stuck when writing lyrics, he just adds either 'na na na' or 'la la la'."

"_Na-na na na-na na-na na-na na."_ She chuckled openly at this statement.

"So you think _these_ guys got stuck on this part of the song?"

"_Na-na na-na na na na." _

"Maybe…" She then glided forward as he leaned back and skated backwards, shifting his tail out of the way, completely trusting her as they moved together.

"_And you come to me—!_

_On a summer breeze—!_

_Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave._

_And it's me you need to show:" _

"_How deep is your love—how deep is your love, how deep is your love"_

"_Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."_ On the sidelines, Calamity, Beeper, Furrball, and Lightning watched. Sneezer and Sweetie would have also watched, but they were too busy dancing by themselves in a corner.

"_I really mean to learn."_

"Do you think your parents mind us skating so close together?" asked the feline.

"'_Cause we're living in a world of fools_

_Breaking us down—"_

"Just as long as we keep it clean," she replied. "Although I don't know if your little deal with them was just short of a bribe!" She gave him a playful smirk.

"_When they all should let us be."_

"Hey, you _know_ they're right outside. The fact that they're _also_ the first to use the pool is _purely_ coincidental."

"_We belong to you and me."_

"Is it also coincidental that we're gonna switch places with them after a while?" He just raised an eyebrow, and then smirked playfully in response.

"_Na na-na na-na—"_ Both chuckled again.

Then, for no reason, The J.A.M. took a deep breath, tilted his head back a bit, and joined Barry Gibb in his nasal falsetto,

"_Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."_

"Oh, stop it!" she chuckled. He did, and then held her close; her head on his shoulder.

"_How deep is your love, how deep is your love._

_I really mean to learn."_ They did a few more spins and glides.

"'_Cause we're living in a world of fools_

_Breaking us down—"_ He then grabbed her hips and lifted her high as he rolled across the floor.

"_When they all should let us be._

_We belong to you and me._

_Na na-na na-na—"_ He quickly spun and set her down. And she never ceased smiling.

This time, Mary joined in the falsetto too,

"_Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."_ Both nearly broke up laughing then.

"_How deep is your love, how deep is your love."_ Their laughter faded off as they embraced and became lost in each other's eyes.

"_I really mean to learn."_ Completely relaxed, and no longer having to consciously think about skating, the jaguar purred again.

"'_Cause we're living in a world of fools—"_ Bah, let the "fools" do what they want, they thought.

"_Breaking us down—"_ As _if_ anyone could break them apart now.

"_When they all should let us be."_ They moved closer and closer.

"_We belong to you and me…"_

A deep kiss proclaimed the continuation of the relationship, for now, and for a long time to come.

THE END / DAS ENDE / DIE EINDE / EINDE / EL FIN / O FIN / LE FIN / IL FINE / SFIRSIT / KONIEC / KONEC / BEIGAS / LOPPU / TELOS / SOF / TAMAT / LIAU LIAU / DANEH O' / WAN-LE / OWARIMASU / SLUTT / SLUT / UXUL


	14. Encore: What's Up?

ENCORE - WHAT'S UP?

Just as the previous scene finished, Calamity and Furrball suddenly ran in front it, jumped, and pulled down a pitch-black scenery that covered the entertainment centre. Both carnivores then ran into the scenery, just enough to be out of visual range. Some tinkering was heard, and moments later, everything hushed again. Suddenly, a spotlight was activated, revealing Mary Melody, now in white pants, white blouse, white roller blades, and a headset microphone, standing with her head down. On her right was The J.A.M., in his traditional black t-shirt, but still with his roller blades as well, and he was holding a keyboard guitar. More spotlights lit up on other toons who were also managing instruments, and at that exact moment, the jaguar fingered a tune while Mary looked up and began,

"'_Hey—yey—yeaaaa!"_ The audience cheered when they recognised the song.

"_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_ She was singing it louder and faster than before, and with no hint of sadness this time.

The DANCE REMIX.

Then the music REALLY started pounding,

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_ Drums, guitar, and bass joined in as well, as Mary began skating in front of the band. She clapped her hands above her to the beat, bringing the audience to do so as well. She did a quick spin, stopped, and repeated,

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_ She asked with playful anger.

"_Fourteen years and my life was still."_ Here, Team Aleph skated out single file: Junior, Alexi, Miriam, Tex, Friz, and Shotsy, eliciting cheers.

"_I'm trying to get up that great big hill of hope,_

_For a destination."_ They stopped so Mary could shake their paws in thanks:

Charles Adler

Tress MacNeille

Candi Milo

John Kassir

Frank Welker

Sherry Lynn

"_I realized quickly when I knew I should_

_That the world was made up of this 'brotherhood of toons'—" _Blowing a kiss with a flourish, she gestured to the audience.

"_For whatever that means!"_ Team Aleph rolled to the back as she put her hands to her head in the "sleep" position,

"_And so I cry sometimes when I lie in my bed,"_ she mock-cried.

"_Just to get it all out: what's in my head, and I—"_ Sudden stop.

"_Am feeling—a little peculiar."_ Mary then "marched" from right to left, followed by Team Beth: Morty, Bekki, June, and Hunni, eliciting more cheers.

Nathan Ruegger

Nancy Cartwright

Russi Taylor

Kath Soucie

"_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside."_ She "inhaled", with the rest mimicking,

"_And I take a deep breath and I get real high, and I—!_

_Scream from the top of my lungs:"_ Both hands to the mouth:

"'_What's going on!'"_ Shaking hands/paws with them, she chorused,

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_ She skated next to her boyfriend,

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

She ad libbed, "Everybody sing along!"

"_What's going on!"_

"Come on, I can't hear you!"

"_What's going on!"_

She looked up, and raised her hands,

"_And I try."_ Team Beth joined Team Aleph in the back.

"_Oh, my God—do I try!"_ She shook her head.

"_I try all the time—!"_ She pointed to Acme Looniversity in the distance,

"_In this institution!"_ Team Gimmel joined in: Anni, Mel, Buck, and Chuck, and more cheers rang out.

Francesca Marie Smith

Luke Ruegger

Richard Beals

Richard Beals

"_And I pray,"_ she stopped and held her hands in the respective position.

"_Oh, my God—do I pray!"_ as did Team Gimmel. Mary screamed with clenched fists,

"_I pray every single day—!_

_For a revolution!"_ Shaking their paws, she calmed down,

"_And so I cry sometimes when I lie in my bed_

_Just to get it all out: what's in my head, and I—_

_Am feeling—a little peculiar."_ The Fourteen then skated right behind her, in a follow-the-leader style.

"_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside,_

_And I take a deep breath and I get real high, and I—_

_Scream from the top of my lungs:"_ Everyone halted and screamed,

"'_What's going on!'"_

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'_" She then put the panther's left paw on her shoulder and began towing him. Junior grabbed his tail while the rest held each others' shoulders, and the towline zigzagged through the "stage".

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_ Suddenly the couple stopped, spread their legs wide, and allowed The Fourteen to "tunnel" under them, with their ears down, of course.

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_ The line broke up, and Mary, feeling higher than ever, skated to the centre, and shouted,

"You, reading your monitor or print-out, sing along!"

"_What's going on!"_

"You read me! Sing with me!"

"_What's going on!"_

The music continued, but Mary stopped to catch her breath for a moment. Then she looked to the audience, "You really want to know what's going on!" The audience hollered, and she skated to several places of the "stage". The spotlights helped her as she singled out her friends, with the audience cheering for each one:

"On drums, Little Beeper!"

Little Beeper as himself.

"On guitar, Lightning Rodriguez!"

Luke Ruegger.

"On backup keyboards, Sweetie Bird and Sneezer Mouse!"

Candi Milo

Kath Soucie

"On the sound console, Calamity Coyote!"

Calamity Coyote as Himself.

"On backup guitar, Furrball Cat!"

Frank Welker.

She then skated to the centre, and hugged her boyfriend from behind,

"And this hunk of fur on keyboard guitar, it's The J.A.M.!"

The J.A.M. as himself.

The panther suddenly gestured to her and roared, "And of course, the ULTIMATE in African beauty! Ladies and gentlemen, on lead vocals, MARY MELODY!" Here the audience cheered louder than ever. Mary was crying again, despite her efforts not to.

Cree Summer Franks.

Quickly, she composed herself, and shouted, "Now YOU sing along!" Everyone on stage hushed, and the audience sang,

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

"Oh, come on, you can do better than that!" She leaned forward and cupped an ear,

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

"Not bad! Just two more lines!" She hushed and mouthed to cue them,

"_What's going on!"_ And again,

"_What's going on!"_

"EVERYBODY!" Everyone skated to the music.

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_ She continued as the other toons sang simultaneously,

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!"_

"_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside."_

"_Hey—yey—yea'!"_

"_And I take a deep breath and I get real high."_

"_I said, 'Hey!"_ And everyone yelled,

"_What's going on!'"_

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!"_

"_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside."_

"_Hey—yey—yea'!"_

"_And I take a deep breath and I get real high."_

"_I said, 'Hey!"_ Everyone,

"_What's going on!'"_

"_Okay, all the ladies!"_

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

"Now all the MALES out there!"

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

"Everyone in America!"

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

"Everyone everywhere else!"

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

Suddenly she pointed at the camera and yelled, "YOU! THE ONE WHO SCOFFED AT THE AUTHOR THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE FANFIC! YOU SING ALL BY YOURSELF!""

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'"_

Finally, she took it home,

"_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on!'_

_And I said, 'Hey—yey—yeaaaa!_

_Hey—yey—yea'!_

_I said, 'Hey!_

_What's going on…!'"_

The music and party continued, but the scene and sound faded out.


	15. Credits And Bloopers

CREDITS AND BLOOPERS

The reason why I have Calamity Coyote and Little Beeper as Mexicans is because in the episode "Piece of Mind", written by Jim Reardon, at the beginning of Calamity's flashback, the mailbox in front of his lair reads "Los Coyotes". Since Little Beeper was born in that area as well, he also qualifies for Mexican citizenship.

* * *

"SHUUUUUUUT UUUUUUPP!"

Silence—

"Dude, do you know where your foot is?"

"CUT!" was heard among fourteen sources of laughter.

* * *

The Tiny Toons characters were created by Tom Ruegger, Glen Kennedy, Dave Marshall, Ken Boyer, and Rich Arons, I think.

* * *

The feline thought for a moment, and also pulled out his cell phone to check. "Off?" he asked himself. The others, too, checked their cell phones, and also received the surprise that all of them were deactivated.

"I was wondering why this weekend seemed so—(DINGDINGDINGDING!)—quiet," commented Sweetie, as her phone rang for no reason. "Hello?"

"CUT!"

* * *

"THE DANCE, YOU NITWIT!" she screamed, grabbing his shirt and pulling him to her face. "WHY DIDN'T YOU GO WITH ME TO THE PROM FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE GYM!" Furious puffs blew in and out of her flared nostrils. Ears went down again—and a paw went to wipe a face.

"Um, cut, I guess. Hun, try not to spit, okay?" asked the Jaguar, as Mary leaned down, giggling.

"Sure! You guys didn't think that this ten-language, ten grammar consultant, phonics sampling—no, wait, let's try that again."

(Take 2)

"Sure! You guys didn't think that this ten-language, grammar consultant, phonics sampling with multiple regional accents, data link to ten Academies for ten automatic updates, super-unabridged—I can't believe I'm getting stuck in my own line!"

(Take 3)

"Sure! You guys didn't think that this ten-grammar—rayos!" (rayos literally "lightning", used for "darn")

* * *

"(CENSORED)!" cursed a medium orange doe, who wore a black shirt and black shorts. "That means that the (CENSORED) _DID_ get here before we did! What the (CENSORED) do we do now, Junior?"

The lavender buck turned to her and replied, "What we (CENSORED) do now, Bekki, is try to remember our (CENSORED) lines."

"CUT!"

* * *

Bugs Bunny was created by Tex Avery.

The purple doe panted and retorted, "I'm weak right now, 'Pottymouth'! I haven't eaten since—since—"

Hunni tried to remember her last meal—and kept trying.

"Your line, Bekki," whispered Morty rather loudly.

"CUT!"

"(CENSORED)!" she chuckled. "Um, this (CENSORED) morning, like the rest of us?"

* * *

The other girl whirled toward Mary and froze, nearly paling. Stuttering, she replied, "Uh—hi, Merry-Mary! Have—uh—have you seen the—uh—the—bunny-wunnies?"

Mary smiled, "I'm Merry-Mary now?"

"CUT!"

"Oopsie! Sorry about that!"

* * *

"I'd hate to see _anything_ fall into her hands, Tex," added Shotsy. "I mean, that girl has already murdered _fashion_ with that outfit of hers!" She pulled out her mirror again and continued adjusting her make-up.

Alexi was about to give a wisecrack to that statement when—

—nothing happened.

"CUT!"

Everyone wondered what was happening, until Alexi noticed something. "Um, sorry, we forgot to turn on our communicators."

* * *

All characters are © Warner Brothers/Amblin Entertainment (and used without permission, but it's doubtful that they mind) EXCEPT FOR:

THE FOURTEEN: Team Aleph (first litter): Buster Junior Bunny, Alexandra "Alexi" Bunny, Miriam Bunny, Tex Bunny, Isidore "Crazy Friz" Bunny, and Shotsy Bunny. Team Beth (second litter): Mortimer "Morty" Bunny, Rebecca "Bekki" Bunny, June Bunny, and Hunni Bunny. Team Gimmel (third litter): Barbara Ann "Anni" Bunny, Melvin "Mel" Bunny, Buck Bunny, and Charles "Chuck" Bunny; who are © The J.A.M.

and The J.A.M., Cygmon, and Dakota Dee, who are also © The J.A.M.

* * *

The cat and coyote stepped out of their booth, padded to the wall behind Mary, jumped—

—and stayed hanging there.

"CUT!"

"This is getting to be a theme, isn't it?" signed Furrball.

* * *

"Please forgive me—" The mouse hushed and let the jaguar look up and shout to the four winds,

"If I can't stop loving (KABONG!) you…!" The jaguar looked back, and saw that the mouse fell off his head, and everyone was laughing. "Cut…" he growled. "Sorry, Lightning. From the top, people!"

"I hate dees song…"

* * *

"Um—" Being rather embarrassed that all the patrons were looking up at him, he released the ceiling, fell, stopped in mid-air five centimetres from the table with a light tire screech sound, flipped 180 degrees (BONK!), and landed rather clumsily on the seat. "OW!" he growled, rubbing his head, while everyone laughed. "Sorry, misjudged the distance there. And cut, please!"

* * *

"Unfortunately, there have been cases of failing teleprompters that don't allow us to finish our lines—"

"CUT!"

* * *

Props by Acme Co.

Bicycle furnished by Montero.

Mary Melody's wardrobe furnished by Oscar de la Renta.

The J.A.M.'s wardrobe furnished by Yazbek and Casio.

Montana Max's and Dakota Dee's wardrobe furnished by Pierre Cardin and Rolex.

Hotel accommodations by Hotel Sheraton Acme Acres.

Restaurant accommodations by Arby's.

* * *

Standing beside them were Calamity and Beeper, both also in tuxedos, who opened the doors—

—which remained locked.

"Cut…" said the panther, as the couple walked back while the others laughed and tried to get the doors open.

* * *

(Suggested by Abel DuSable)

"Okay, but as a human, I can't see anything in here except everyone's eyeballs!"

The J.A.M. turned to the door for a moment, and then—laughed as Furrball's eyes began moving all over the place, making everyone laugh.

"CUT! What are you doing?"

"Taking a break," he signed back, "Bonk!" Everyone guffawed as his eyes bumped with The J.A.M.'s.

* * *

Dizzy spun once more and resumed his rampage, beginning at the table. The decorations were pulled into the vortex and were also—

"OW!" he suddenly stopped, holding his face. "Me have something in eye!"

"CUT!"

* * *

Fangs flashed. "SORRY! DON'T YOU HAVE AN EMPTY TABLE AT ALL!"

Mary tried to cut in, "J.A.M., please—"

The sable—smirked in disgust and wiped his face. "Sorry, but you felines spit when you hiss like that."

The jaguar shrugged suddenly, and smiled, "Sorry, Abel. Cut!"

* * *

Original casting by Steven Spielberg.

Additional casting by The J.A.M.

Voice direction by Andrea Romano.

Mary Melody is Cree Summer Franks

Sweetie Bird is Candi Milo

Little Sneezer is Kath Soucie

Calamity Coyote is Himself

Lightning Rodriguez is Luke Ruegger

Little Beeper is Himself

Furrball is Frank Welker

Bugs Bunny is Noel Blanc

Elmyra Duff is also Cree Summer Franks

Dakota Dee is also Cree Summer Franks

Montana Max is Danny Cooksey

The News Announcer is Wolf Blitzer

Grovely is Charles Adler

and

The J.A.M. is Himself

The Fourteen are:

Team Aleph:

Junior is also Charles Adler

Alexi is Tress MacNeille

Miriam is also Candi Milo

Tex is John Kassir

Friz is also Frank Welker

Shotsy is Sherry Lynn

Team Beth:

Morty is Nathan Ruegger

Bekki is Nancy Cartwright

June is Russi Taylor

Hunni is Kath Soucie

Team Gimmel:

Anni is Francesca Marie Smith

Mel is also Luke Ruegger

Buck is Richard Beals

Chuck is also Richard Beals

Special appearance by Abel DuSable.

* * *

(By T.J. Dickens)

Reading her silence as an agreement to what he said, he finished, "I AM THE J.A.M. Good—" his voice cracked for a moment, as his inner self did. "—eve—good night, Miss Melody."

(WARPUNWARPWARP)

The J.A.M. warps and slips on the peel, spinning in the air for about 3 seconds.

"Cut, cut and CUT!" he shouts as he lands suddenly.

* * *

"Well, I guess things didn't work out, but before you leave, I just—I just want to thank you too—for being with me all this time. Thank you for considering me, and for not treating me like an outcast. Thank you for giving us the push it took to finally break off from the 'stars'. Thank you for showing me The Way, and for letting me know your name. Thank you for being there in my games. Thank you for respecting me, and for looking past the ink and paint. Thank you for the songs: you sing very well. Thank you for giving me such a terribly long line I can't remember—"

"CUT!"

* * *

And it was here where she suddenly saw the light.

Literally, because a lamppost suddenly flickered to life right above her—

—and blew out again.

"CUT!"

"Heh, Acme, right on the spot," she commented.

* * *

(Suggested by Abel DuSable)

The rabbits continued to watch, (UNWARPUNWARP!) and jumped when Junior and Alexi suddenly—(WHAM!)

—smashed into the rest of the rabbits, having slipped on a puddle.

"CUT!"

The Fourteen were lying in a heap on the sidewalk, and at the very bottom, Chuck moaned, "I've fallen and I can't get up!" making everyone laugh.

* * *

The "No relation" line was originally conceived and written by Paul Dini and Sherry Stoner.

The phrase "It Was A Dark And Stormy Night" was originally conceived and written by Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

Some of the bad puns in Mary's newscast were provided by Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty at no extra charge.

Music directed by Richard Stone and John Van Tongren.

"What's Up" is © 1992 Interscope Records. Written by Lynda Perry. Performed by Cree Summer Franks. Adapted lyrics by The J.A.M. Used without permission.

"Please Forgive Me" is © 1993 Warner Bros. (what a coincidence, don't you think?) Written by Bryan Adams and Robert John "Mutt" Lange. Ahem, "adapted" lyrics by The J.A.M. Performed by The J.A.M. and Luke Ruegger. Used without permission.

"How Deep Is Your Love" is © 1977 PolyGram International Music BV, Baarn. Written by Barry Gibb, Maurice Gibb, and Robin Gibb. Performed by The Bee Gees. One teensy-weensy word changed by The J.A.M. Used without permission.

* * *

Shotsy pulled out her make-up case and redid her lip gloss as she continued pondering, "You _do_ have to admit that Dakota did her homework. The couples nobody noticed or cared about practically held the entire social structure together. And now that Mary and The J.A.M. stay together in spite of the horror they went through, both stay in the Looniversity. Mary _doesn't_ leave for a serious anchorwoman job, The J.A.M. does _not_ return to Mexico City, _no_ toon takes sides or transfers with them, Sneezer and Sweetie _don't_ take sides and stay together too, the 'bit players' _don't_ disband, Shirley _doesn't_ shift to the dark side in order to get rid of the 'freaks' in their moment of weakness, the cue-card guy _doesn't_ get the cards mixed up, I _don't_ forget my (CENSORED) lines—"

"CUT!"

* * *

The Fourteen then padded away from the scene, and headed back to their camp. As they did, Junior noticed Buster Bunny and Babs Bunny, no relation, padding together some distance away, apparently on a date themselves. He smiled at them, and said,

"So long, Mom and Dad. See you in a little bit." With that—

"Good night, kids!"

"CUT! Babs, you don't have lines here!"

"Tee-hee, I just can't help myself!"

"Oh, and it was NICE of you to include us in the story!" hissed Buster.

"Sigh, just stick to the script, will ya?" asked a tired jaguar.

* * *

No copyright infringement is intended or implied. I did all this for the fun of it.

All of the characters, places, and events portrayed in this fanfic are fictitious. Any resemblance to any real persons, places, or events is unintentional and purely coincidental, except in cases of severe self-insertion, I suppose, but even then the similarities are controlled, he he.

And yes, the private prom was supervised by responsible adults in its entirety!

SPECIAL THANKS

To Montero.

To Mars.

To Microsoft's Encyclopædia Encarta '99, for all the scientific classifications.

To WE-Haul.

To Casio.

To Kenwood.

EXTRA SPECIAL THANKS

To Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty, for helping me with Mary's newscast.

To Abel DuSable, for accepting the part of maitre'd, and for editing this story, and for the blooper suggestions.

Just in case you're wondering, the various ways of saying "The End" are written in English, German, Afrikaans, Dutch, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Italian, Romanian, Polish, Russian, Latvian, Finnish, Greek, Hebrew, Malay, Hokkien, Seneca, Chinese, Japanese, Norwegian, Swedish, and Mayan, respectively.

Also, the chapter titles were being counted in Hebrew. The Semitic-Roman transcription was altered to reflect the original pronunciation as best as possible.

* * *

From the speakers in the upper corners, a soft organ began a slow song.

The felid bowed to the hominid and asked, "May I have this dunce—I mean—dance?" Mary covered her mouth as she guffawed while The J.A.M. chuckled, "Heh, cut already! And yes, I'm the dunce here now!"

* * *

"Maybe…" She then glided forward as he leaned back and skated backwards, shifting his tail out of the way, completely trusting her as they—

(KATHUD!)

—fell together, because the panther's tail got tangled with the roller blades.

"And you come to me—!"

"Ouch! CUT!"

"On a summer breeze—!"

"I thought you said you knew how to skate!" she scolded, lying on top of him.

"Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave."

"I'm a little rusty and CAN WE LOSE THE PLAYBACK, PLEASE!"

"And it's me you need to sh—"

"You're killing me, Roger, killing me!" she chuckled.

* * *

The Epilogue is dedicated to the memory of Maurice Gibb: 1949-2003.

END TAG:

Mary Melody comes out of the TTA rings and proclaims, "For K-ACME News, this is Mary Melody, signing off!"

Until next time, remember:

I AM THE J.A.M.

Good evening.

(WARP!)


End file.
